Tag Archives: wonder

Sad tea-cups

…are those with almond milk in them instead of real milk.

Also, 5 minutes after posting my update about my friend with cancer having a smaller tumor, I got a text from her asking me to pray for her because she was in the worst pain yet. At two am, after I’d gotten two hours of sleep and inexplicably woke up, she contacted me again and we talked and she seemed to be better. I then stayed up til some crazy hour, and then woke up and had a fairly pleasant day. Knowing your friend is not as bad off as she was right before you went to bed that night has a way of making days better.

In other totally non-consequential news:

I might have gone on two dates with two different guys in the last two weeks, but nobody ever calls anything a date anymore so I really have no idea, but I kind of think one of the guys almost tried to kiss me judging by the strange pause at the end of the night just after we arrived at my car and took out my keys to leave. That would definitely put the second hang out in the “date” category, but the pause could have also simply been awkwardness. Who knows? I definitely don’t.
When you don’t go around kissing people you have no idea when you are in a kissing-people situation or not.

That’s my life.

P.S. Continued prayers for my friend are appreciated. Prayers for all totally confused young people who don’t know if they are on dates or not are also appreciated.

P.P.S. I have no idea how to balance talking about my feelings about my friend with cancer with my feelings about the rest of my life, as they are completely different segments of my life. However, the way life works is that everything just kinda gets shoved together and it is your life, and sometimes, 60-70 years later, you look back on it and maybe you see patterns, and then you write nice little uniform books about the experiences, or maybe sell the movie rights or whatever…But that doesn’t happen in the middle of the experience, when everything is happening at once and you don’t know what’s important and what’s not besides what you think about it in the moment. It is from this disjointed reality that my blog posts are born. In fifty to sixty years maybe I’ll write a book. For now you get the mess to make sense or nonsense of all on your own. Have fun!





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Filed under Cdukulele's life.

ODR: Guys shouldn’t be allowed to wear tank tops.

I probably shouldn’t be dictating rules about what people are and are not allowed to wear, but seriously:

Either 1, they look horrible in them, or 2, their muscles show and all you can do is gawk at their arms.

This is a lose-lose situation in my mind.

Am I ridiculous? I might be ridiculous.

But I don’t want to be distracted by the unattractiveness or attractiveness of a man’s arms.

Oh my goodness, I’m ridiculous.

OKOKOK, Maybe if you’re a guy and you’re just hot -temperature wise-, so you’re wearing a tank top…I suppose.

But seriously…Any one else think…no..

It’s just me, isn’t it?

And it’s just this particular ex-crush.

..and the fact that I need any reason to blame him for being adorable

…so that I don’t like him anymore..

things wrong….with…my…mind.


Okay, I must merely accept the fact that this particular man has fairly attractive arms, and there is nothing wrong with accepting that. Except that that is a ridiculous thing to be attracted to.

I am attracted to muscular arms.


These are details about me that no one ever needs to know.

I should never have started this post.

Or maybe I’m simply revealing the fact that once you like someone, you’ll find a million other reasons to like them.

Like, they have nice arms.

Because that’s totally the first thing to look for in a significant other.


But it is something you will notice when you already like someone. Maybe.

I dunno.

Now, proceed to rant and rave below about how ridiculous I am.


(Thoughts from September of 2014)


Filed under ODR: Old Drafts Revisited, Various writing

Dating Paradox

I only like guys up to the moment where they like me back.

This might explain why I fail so much at relationships.

Maybe I’m wrong.

I mean, I definitely like guys who like me, but only to a point.

Then I start to freak out about how much they may potentially like me, and I avoid them entirely.

Or maybe no guy I’ve ever really liked has liked me back.


Anyway, that was my new personal reflection that I figured I’d throw out there, since I finished my paper that was due tonight, and now I just have to do the rest of my homework for all my classes that’s do tomorrow.

Also, musicians seem to be in an entirely different class of men than the ones I meet on a daily basis.

It’s like, the musician guys act all silent and brooding and attractive, while the guys I meet on a daily basis are just, nice, chill, friendly guys.

And for some reason I keep getting attracted to the brooding mysterious guys.

Which is bad, because the mysterious ones are the ones who are inaccessible, versus the daily basis guys who just act like normal human beings, without a circle of drama around their lives.

I don’t know.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your evening.


Filed under Cdukulele's love life.