Tag Archives: reading

Reading til 5am.

I decided to be courageous, and I sent out an e-mail inquiring about a full-time job for the next school year. I feel partially crazy for doing it, but the other part of me recognizes that despite the fact that grad school can be overwhelming,  I spend a great deal of my time outside of class with nothing to do, and when I have nothing to do I wind up wasting a lot of time on trivial things…like thinking about romance. I figure I could at least attempt to reallocate some of my daydreaming time over to actually earning money and building up my resume.

I haven’t gotten a response to that e-mail yet, which I sent based off the recommendation of a friend, but I guess I can start worrying after a full business day has passed.

In other news, it’s summer and my attempts to not dwell on non-existent romantic relationships resulted in three nights of me staying up until sunrise reading. I seem to have this deluded belief that finishing a book in under twenty-four hours makes me successful, when it really just makes me anti-social because I spend most of the daylight hours asleep and pondering what book I will buy and read next. If that’s my measurement of success, then…I finished 3 books! I don’t know what that means.


Until the next time I remember this blog exists and I feel a desperate need to share some thoughts,






Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

I am here

Facing the reality of the fact that no matter how hard you try, you may fail sometime, and trying to figure out what you’re supposed to keep working toward and what you’re supposed to let go of is a lot of work.

It requires humility and strength of endurance that I do not always have. Sometimes it results in being overwhelmed by your own inadequacy, and being unable to try to hold on any more, and twenty minute sobbing sessions in your room where no one can see you.

Eventually loved ones find you and try to console you while you simply recognize the fact that you have no control over the situation and don’t want to be crying, and really don’t mean to be bothering them with your pain, but you just can’t handle the stress at the moment and you need to cry.

Then you get ready for bed, read a novel for four hours, and go to sleep thinking that at least your life is better than the character’s in the dystopian society, and at least you can enter a different world for four hours at a time, and step into the life of someone else, be it ever so briefly, and be okay. Not only be okay, but maybe grow stronger with the recognition that we all struggle as human beings, and nobody has everything under control, and that while you may be crying about a situation you see no way out of, the pain is temporary and ultimately, some way or another, it will be solved.

You are loved, and it will be okay.


Filed under Cdukulele's life.

Sleep deprivation suits me.

I composed a super excited post yesterday about how happy I was that I finally had my laptop working, after it was mysteriously died and refused to function a year back, and about how happy I was that my brother bought me a new charger and got rid of all the viruses, and how life was wonderful now that I could use my laptop, and I clicked the post button and went to view my first post in a year via my wonderful computer, and half the words in the post were blue. Highlighted blue. With hyperlinks. To things. Things that I did not hyperlink my words to.

So, I’m guessing there is still something wrong with my computer. Unless that’s a new wordpress thing, to automatically link your words to shifty advertisements for computer sales when you highlight them? I do not think so.

Anyway, my brother’s going to check it out for me, I hope, and in the meantime I’ll keep posting on the family computer. Where the computer history is saved and my super secret undercover blog can easily be found in half a second. Good thing I don’t ENTIRELY care about whether my family stumbles upon this SUPER SECRET UNDERCOVER blog….

On the plus side, I found out that I can survive on two and a half hours of sleep! I even managed to set up a tea party for my niece and play some ukulele music for her! (She’s a great audience. She lets me know which songs she does or doesn’t like and, if I ask, she’ll tell me why.)

“Why? Why, did I only get two and a half hours of sleep?”, you ask. Why, because I stayed up until two in the morning with my brother playing a zombie shooting island survival game…and then I huddled in my bed slightly terrified and only was able to sleep after distracting myself by watching videos and reading articles from http://chastityproject.com/ for two hours. (Pretty interesting stuff, you should check it out. ;D)

I woke up at 7…and then again at 7:06, (precious six minutes), and then I started babysitting until my father came home and wonderfully took my niece with him on a trip to his SUPER FUN AND EXCITING classroom to organize things!

And so, this brings me to now. I am typing a post, fueled by only two and a half hours of sleep and half a cup of tea. Not to mention the energy derived from the excitement that a small child having a tea party provides. I have so many plans for the rest of the day: exercise, shower, play music, clean up the tea party mess…but I’ll probably end up napping and miss half of that. Hopefully I make it through the shower…

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this overly detailed and sleep deprived account of the last eighteen hours of my life, I know I did! Ha…ha….

I need sleep.

– Cdukulele





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Filed under Cdukulele's life.