Tag Archives: poetry

Poem: Wading through thorns.

“I appreciate you” I say pointlessly, while my hormones are raging, and I allow them to force me to speak this momentarily overwhelming stupid thought, that is half honesty, out of an attempt to make you communicate something more toward me. Communicate. With me.

Heart pounding and I see you smile and just want to wrap my arms around you, wrap your arms around me, be warm and soft and held tight like you love me.

Cursing these hormones and these thoughts and hopes that are built on short bouts of laughter and glances from your dark, beautiful eyes.

You stare a lot, and I don’t know what you communicate, but you set my heart on fire and it won’t seem to go out.

Glances and smiles with those beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks and beautiful teeth gleaming white, perfectly set in a smiling mouth.

You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are attractive and every physical part of me wants to be closer to you, and I’m at war with myself, mind over matter, because the matter is trying to take over and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

Because mentally, oh beautifully attractive one, mentally I know it is not time. Mentally, oh captivating heartthrob, causer of my heartbeats and blackouts of mind, mentally, I know that this is more overwhelming infatuation than love. This is more biological than rational, this is more instinct than instance, this is more me wanting to be loved than me loving, and I can’t have that.

I can’t have this.

I repel that desire for objectification, no matter the momentary elation of that satiation of desire, I repel that instant gratification, that short term duration of feeling, built on matter fleeting, of feeding that burning fire
that burns without purpose except to excite, that burns with heat but gives no great light, that burns to consume and exhaust and deplete, I reject that sterile and empty feat.
I reject the unwholesome consumption of you, crumbling your beauty not loving you through, I reject that notion that hearts can’t be tamed, that we can go on and on and not be blamed, I reject this notion, this desire to obtain, I reject these thoughts that leave love lame, I reject the dampening of Purity’s gleam, ruining her waters, defiling a stream of love, of goodness, of truth and joy, of happiness and beauty and all we employ when deeply and truly loving each other, I reject the bad and will accept no other love – except a love that is true, a love that loves every aspect of you.

I will fight for the truth and a heart that embraces
you and every single one of your faces,
you when you’re broken and you when you’re down,
you when you’re silent and when you make no sound,
you when you’re shouting and singing for joy,
you when you’re manly, or when you feel like a boy,
you when you need me and you when you don’t,
you when you help me and you when you won’t,
to love you despite, in addition, and because,
to love you for reasons that were, are, and was,
I will fight for a love that embraces all things that make you more holy and through which God brings us closer to him and to each other, deeper in love with him and one another.

I will fight for the Love he provides with no mercy.
I will fight for the Love he provides til I’m worthy
to have you, to hold you, to love you, a man,
I will fight to love you and try til I can.

You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and once that beauty was all I could see, blinded by the gift of sight, couldn’t see the soul surrounded in light. You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and I will try to love that beauty, love and respect and pray for and wait, and melt the lust that’s hiding self-hate. You are beautiful, you reflect perfection, and I will wait until God points me in the right direction. You are beautiful and my heart reaches for you, but it will stay still until I ever say “I do”.

Thank you Lord, for the beauty in the world, and please protect the heart of this awestruck girl.

AMEN.

 

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

I hate technology.

There’s a disconnect in our communications and I’m embarrassed because it feels like my fault.

My fault for being me.

There’s this lack of understanding

an inability to read what’s being said,

what’s being thought,

and it’s my fault.

This is why I hate technology.

I say too much, and then I keep speaking.

I should be silent but I just keep keeping, talk on, sing my song…

Because I’m lonely and I’m starving for communication and friendship,

connection with the world, some sort of kinship,

through the lifeless glow of a computer screen…

Communication is so much harder with a face that can’t be seen.

I am lonely.

I fill the lonely with attempts at communication.

But the endless small talk gives no satiation, except of itself.

I’m done with that self.

The skim top, not cream of the crop, fluff of foam that flutters away when blown because it’s nothing, founded on nothing, I’m done with nothing, and I need something.

So when the disconnect starts and I try to still my heart, from the reaching and depth and my attempt to connect,

when I tell it to stop, to be brief, just a hop

conversation, let the meaning slide,

when I begin and just try to hide

behind curtness of words

and curtness of form,

because I talk too much,

and I say too much,

and I care too much,

and I give too much,

and I am too much

for you –

and I try to stop myself, I will stop myself, but I don’t think that it is really me who

is at fault,

cuz maybe i’m the adult

who actually wants to share,

who actually wants to care,

to actually be there,

more than just the small talk that you see.

I hate technology.

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Filed under All Poetry

Better in the Morning

Everything is better in the morning.

I’m pretty sure my dreams last night were about you

acting like you loved me and stuff,

and I’m sure that had no impact on me

waking up with hope

and cheerily,

after hitting snooze five times,

because those dreams were just too good to stop.

No impact at all.

It’s always hard for me to stop those dreams,

leave the comfort of my made up reality,

and face the world in which

you love me

but not as much as I hope,

never as much as I dream.

Either my heart forgot its aches in the night,

or I dreamed that you loved me,

either way, I’m somehow better in the morning.

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Filed under Love Poems

A poem: Guard her heart.

You stole my heart, and I didn’t even realize it was missing until I saw you with her.

Then suddenly that heart was being shot straight through, more than pieces two.

Is there anyone who,

Can put it back together?

In a perfect world, you would have never got near it.

In a perfect world, you couldn’t just sear it

with your words and your being and your look and me seeing

how much I want to be with you and be like you, and be made new

by growing into love with you.

You stole my heart, I glanced back and suddenly it was gone

like the lyrics of a song,

something forgotten, on the tip of the tongue, that just won’t come.

You stole my heart, and I wish you wouldn’t pawn it, with all the love that’s on it,

I wish you’d keep it for yourself, to guard and keep in health,

to hold and love and cherish, but to you I think it’s garish.

Too much beat and shine, “I don’t want this to be mine”,

you’ll think upon the time, when the chance comes to let it go.

Let it go, let me go, or break the pieces that are left, from your unexpected theft, and me seeing you with her.

I hope you guard her heart.

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Filed under Love Poems

Poem: Don’t know much

I don’t know why I care so much, sometimes I wish I didn’t.
I don’t know why I want you here, but life just seems so empty without you in it.
I don’t like these jealousies, and for them there’s no excuse.
I’d give them up entirely, I hope they’ll be forgotten from disuse.

I don’t know why I care so much or what happened to begin it,
I don’t recall being swept off my feet or the falling, but I know I’m in it.
I don’t know what makes you so beautiful, so shining, such a delight,
All I know is that I feel more whole when you are in my sight.

I know it’s not just the way you look, because I didn’t notice that
Until I noticed what makes you you, and that is where I am at,
Noticing who you really are and how your beauty shines
More than just the sculpture of your face and body lines.

I don’t know why I care so much, but you’re something to care about
You’re beautiful in every important way and it makes me want to shout
Glory to God for making you, you’re such a treasure here
Glory to God, and now I’ll pray that somehow you’ll be near.

In space, in time, in friendship or love
In spirit, in soul, in any way God above
Deems right or perfect or true or saving,
For me to be with you I’m aiming.
I’ll accept what I’m given,
I’ll probably pray for more,
I don’t know why exactly,
I may never be sure,
but for reasons of love I want to be with you
and for reasons of love I wish you’d want to be with me too.

Maybe I know why I care so much, and why I wish I didn’t
Because you’re such a joy to love, and life’s not as good without you in it.

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

Shots of Nyquil – A poem –

Shots of Nyquil help me sleep
Sleep I do, but not so deep
Stuck in memories that keep
me shifting, tossing covers.

I am sick but I’m not cold
Still so young but feel so old
Wishing for the path untold
With fear of never trying.

Now I move to make me whole
I’m on a path to keep my soul
trudging grandly, to pay the toll,
a future still in question.

Oh to sing, it would be grand
for them to hear and understand
to look and see and give a hand,
a future that I dream of.

But on I march and quite unsure,
On I march, for I am her,
Steadily working without lure
toward the future I have chosen.

This is my life, or so it seems
This is my life, not stuff of dreams
This is my life, and all it brings
I hope will be enough.

Shots of Nyquil help me sleep
Sleep I do, but not so deep
Tossing covers do not keep
Me warm, but I’m not cold.

Dreaming of the life I’d lead
If I wasn’t drawn by need
To pay for bill, loan, or deed,
Oh what a life in question.

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Filed under General Poems

Poem about Real Love

The internet allows for waaaaaay too much stalking. Too much heart stupidity. I should write some more happy stuff on here.

I’m a nut.
Thinking about what?
You, and your stupid little star striking ability.
Your voice kinda devours me.
Please go marry her.
Go fall and love and be happy.
Then maybe I can fall into my role as best friend, instead of heartbroken lover.

This is why I shouldn’t have friends.
This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to have guy friends.
This is why I can’t socialize with people like you.Beautiful people with beautiful voices that I just want to hug.

Is it possible to hug a voice?
Your voice makes me feel like hugging, and jumping through fields of lavendar.

It makes me feel so very angry and so very happy at the same time. So angry happy. So happy, that I’m angry.
I feel like you had more control over this than I did.
Like you knew what you were doing, with your voice, and your words, and your friendship,
Melting my heart.

Mine is an unreasonable response.
Unreasonable, unlogical response, and like a muse, you go on, and I melt, lost and inspired in my pain.
But yours is an unreasonable beauty.
I can’t love it so much, it cannot be so loveable, so desirable, so soul stretching, but it is, losing me in its depth.

The Lord knows. That unfathomable beauty, that unfathomable desire for it. He knows. He sees it. He lives it. He makes it.

The beauty to reflect back to him, the desire to pull towards him.

In my loneliness I look at that which is lovely and I realize it doesn’t fill my emptiness.
I look at that which draws me in and I see that it’s meant to bring me to more, to the source of all love.

I am drawn in by your beauty, but I am drawn past you, past the creation, to the Creator, past the painting and to the painter of real love itself, drawn to him, drawn to Christ, drawn to true Love.

I love you, oh how I love you, and I am going to try to continue to love because of you, because of the light of the Love I see in you, that reflection of the perfection.

I will continue to love you, to try to love you, like a lover of Christ.

Working toward perfection with my life.

I will love, and that will be enough, for me.

———

Now to find an open mic to read that at… – Catherine.

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Filed under All Poetry, Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems