The post under this title was a compilation of self-depreciating comments that did not befit the humor of the desperation of the title. It was composed on the first day of the month of St. Valentine, and basically fits the love-torn state of anyone completely alone romantically on that day.
Instead of sharing that original mixed up post with you all, I have begun composing one that is much better synthesized…if merely for the fact that it contains the word “synthesized”.
And to continue this post I will simply say that…I am tired of waiting, but I will keep waiting, because waiting is what I am best at, but I secretly fear that if “the right guy” came around I wouldn’t recognize him if I saw him, and maybe he is already here and I don’t know it. HOWEVER, that is just impatience taking hold of my ability to wait, which is still trying to tell me that everything happens in God’s time…But then I reflect upon how God works through people and maybe it’s my time to step up to the plate and TRY HARDER!
But I don’t know what to try harder at. Try harder at falling in love* with someone?
It’s so much work. It’s all: Hello, let’s be friends, let’s hang out, let’s interpret everything you say and do and figure out whether it indicates that you’re attracted to me, let’s not ask you whether you’re attracted to me, let’s give up on you because clearly I should know BY NOW whether you like me, let’s go back to you because maybe you’re just super shy and that’s not a bad thing, let’s keep evaluating all of our interactions like crazy, let’s continue to refer to my singular self as an “us” because you took no part in anything from hanging out onward that I know of.
…So then I go back to the whole – stop trying to fall in love and just be content with your life and try to be a good human being and simply love people, but then I don’t know how to simply love the people that I want to love me so much, so I end up ignoring them until I can’t anymore and then I send them messages asking them about their lives and then I wonder how on one hand I’m radio silence and on the other I’m desperate for communication and how it’s quite possible that I am the problem and I need to solve myself and not them.
So I’m waiting on the perfect version of me to appear, but that’s not happening in this lifetime, so I must simply strive towards perfection, and as anyone who has striven for that knows, IT IS TOUGH WORK!
It’s after midnight, my house is cold, I need to sleep and feel less lonely.
Random person on the internet.
St. Jude, pray for us.