Tag Archives: marriage

Lower that Bar!

A female friend and I went out with two of our guy friends the other night (I’ll name them Mike and Don), and because these guys are particularly unafraid of awkward conversations and ever dwelling on their own singlehood, Don suddenly asked my friend and I why we weren’t married yet.

We didn’t have much to say in response to that, other than the usual “Haven’t met ‘The One'”, (even though neither of us is really idealistically holding out for a “soul mate” so much as someone who cares as much about their soul getting to heaven), and then Don attempted to go on a tirade about women being too picky.

I pointed out that he was older than us and unwed, and then he tried to start using the biological clock argument to put the blame back on us, followed by his own claim that he was never getting married after I told him to mind his own business and stop talking about our ovaries. Apparently he hasn’t found “the one” either, because no woman can appreciate his rich sense of humor, but it doesn’t matter if he’s unwed as much because we’re women, and we’re the ones who have the time limit on finding true love.

The message of the night: If you’re a woman you have to not be so picky about who you are going to marry, because you MUST have kids before that clock runs out! If you’re a man, it’s totally acceptable to be single and brood about it all your life, because no woman really understands you.


#biological clock
#I don’tknow how to use hashtags





Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

Poem: Wading through thorns.

“I appreciate you” I say pointlessly, while my hormones are raging, and I allow them to force me to speak this momentarily overwhelming stupid thought, that is half honesty, out of an attempt to make you communicate something more toward me. Communicate. With me.

Heart pounding and I see you smile and just want to wrap my arms around you, wrap your arms around me, be warm and soft and held tight like you love me.

Cursing these hormones and these thoughts and hopes that are built on short bouts of laughter and glances from your dark, beautiful eyes.

You stare a lot, and I don’t know what you communicate, but you set my heart on fire and it won’t seem to go out.

Glances and smiles with those beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks and beautiful teeth gleaming white, perfectly set in a smiling mouth.

You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are attractive and every physical part of me wants to be closer to you, and I’m at war with myself, mind over matter, because the matter is trying to take over and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

Because mentally, oh beautifully attractive one, mentally I know it is not time. Mentally, oh captivating heartthrob, causer of my heartbeats and blackouts of mind, mentally, I know that this is more overwhelming infatuation than love. This is more biological than rational, this is more instinct than instance, this is more me wanting to be loved than me loving, and I can’t have that.

I can’t have this.

I repel that desire for objectification, no matter the momentary elation of that satiation of desire, I repel that instant gratification, that short term duration of feeling, built on matter fleeting, of feeding that burning fire
that burns without purpose except to excite, that burns with heat but gives no great light, that burns to consume and exhaust and deplete, I reject that sterile and empty feat.
I reject the unwholesome consumption of you, crumbling your beauty not loving you through, I reject that notion that hearts can’t be tamed, that we can go on and on and not be blamed, I reject this notion, this desire to obtain, I reject these thoughts that leave love lame, I reject the dampening of Purity’s gleam, ruining her waters, defiling a stream of love, of goodness, of truth and joy, of happiness and beauty and all we employ when deeply and truly loving each other, I reject the bad and will accept no other love – except a love that is true, a love that loves every aspect of you.

I will fight for the truth and a heart that embraces
you and every single one of your faces,
you when you’re broken and you when you’re down,
you when you’re silent and when you make no sound,
you when you’re shouting and singing for joy,
you when you’re manly, or when you feel like a boy,
you when you need me and you when you don’t,
you when you help me and you when you won’t,
to love you despite, in addition, and because,
to love you for reasons that were, are, and was,
I will fight for a love that embraces all things that make you more holy and through which God brings us closer to him and to each other, deeper in love with him and one another.

I will fight for the Love he provides with no mercy.
I will fight for the Love he provides til I’m worthy
to have you, to hold you, to love you, a man,
I will fight to love you and try til I can.

You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and once that beauty was all I could see, blinded by the gift of sight, couldn’t see the soul surrounded in light. You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and I will try to love that beauty, love and respect and pray for and wait, and melt the lust that’s hiding self-hate. You are beautiful, you reflect perfection, and I will wait until God points me in the right direction. You are beautiful and my heart reaches for you, but it will stay still until I ever say “I do”.

Thank you Lord, for the beauty in the world, and please protect the heart of this awestruck girl.




Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

I don’t like these results

Who Should You Marry?

  1. You got: a robot programmed to love

    You should marry a robot programmed to love. You might be skeptical about a love robot, but just remember — a robot can give you the kind of unconditional love a person never could. If you really, truly want to be happy, you should get out there and find a very special robot to love and responsibly care for with regular maintenance and upkeep.”

Not that I put much stock in the random internet questionnaire that included things like “Which dog would be at your wedding”, when the answer to that question is “NONE OF THE ABOVE. No dogs. None. Never.”, but still…I don’t like how this bodes for my future.

Oh, I put a link to the quiz in that title above, so feel free to take the quiz and then tell me that it automatically tells everyone that they are going to marry a robot, and that I’m not the only one with impossible expectations.

I didn’t know wanting fancy food at your wedding was impossible…It looked so delicious and I didn’t even know what it was. I am so hungry.




Filed under Cdukulele's love life.


I don’t know where I’m going, I do know where I’ve been, perhaps glancing at the past will tell me what I should be living.

I went to school for years, I listened and was smart. I liked learning about everything, I enjoyed it in my heart.

Now I’m done with school, the school I had planned on for sure, now I don’t know where I’m going anymore.


So, help me, help me, help me if you can see

the answer to the riddle of what exactly I should be.

I know, it’s stupid, irresponsible, and inane, to ask life plans from random people, that’s not even quite sane.


So Go!

Tell me.

But if you tell me jerky things like, go climb a tree, I will be very mad.

And you will never see my beet poem.

That’s right.

I’ll write a poem about a beet and then never show it to you.







…What type of life fits best with someone who enjoys writing, reading, thinking and drinking tea? Surely there’s someone who pays for that. I’d also prefer to avoid fellow workers as much as possible. I’d like to work alone, and solely interact with customers. But happy customers who will love me. I think I want to be a barista. According to my cousin and brother I want to be a hobo. That was after I told them that I wanted to work in a coffee shop or play my ukulele outside and just put a hat in front of me and collect change.
My parents may not support that use of my college degree.But it would only be temporary.
Until one of my crushes realizes that he’s in love with me too and wants to marry me and pay all of my student loans.
Yep. That’s my current life plan.
Find a way to survive until I ensnare some guy.

I am greatly in favor of the old way of life. Where the guy took care of the girl and paid for everything, and she could stay at home and take care of the house and the kids.
I mean, yeah, taking care of kids is WORK, but at least my fellow employee would be someone who loved me and would let me take naps or forgive me if all we had for dinner was tortillas and cheese. And I really like baking. Like cookies, and muffins.
Like, I enjoy housework, and if I had my own house I would probably enjoy it even more.

Seriously, there’s a certain satisfaction that comes from preparing a space and making it look beautiful and homey, so that people feel loved and welcome when they come.

But I probably need to get a job. Because the idea of me scoping out potential guys to marry and take care of me creeps me out. In fact, reading that all back to me, my idealized ideas of being a housewife and homemaker kind of freak me out.
Perhaps that’s because I’m twenty two and only had one boyfriend once for three days.
That’s probably why.
Oh yeah, I’m so never getting married.
I was afraid of commitment before the relationship even lasted a week. Yay.

Okay, well, don’t hold these random scattered thoughts and craziness against me, future reader, and like, if you have any brilliant, non-sarcastic ideas, feel free to share them. Or just say nothing. Because I’ve noticed that seems to be the trend around my blog, very quiet readers.

– cdukulele

P.S. My back up plans include being a teacher. Hobo is still an option though.


Filed under Various writing