Tag Archives: happy

The little things.

I woke up this morning and my hip DIDN’T HURT LIKE A CRAZY MONSTER OF PAIN AND BROKENNESS!!!!

This made me happy. Or makes me happy…I am currently happy, but I think when I woke up I was too focused on getting out of bed without freezing to death to think to be happy about my hip.

It’s kind of aching now, but not like it was when I was composing my blog post about it (I should really stop composing posts at crazy times of night when I’m exhausted and tired and all I have to write is bitter sadness), and so it’s not broken and I’m good.

And in the future I will be more careful when doing physical therapy stretches for my arms…and not act like a foam roller ninja.

In other news, I’ve now been out of my last relationship for longer than I was in it, so just another month or two and my heart won’t ache over it at all, right? Right.

OKAY READERS! I’m off to go work on my self confidence by tutoring some people and proving that I know things and can help people.

P.S. I am looking for some good books to read, classics/non-classics/anything that actually has value and does not contain anything explicit, so PLEASE, feel free to recommend something! Or blog post about it. For reference or in case you’re looking for something to read, some of my favorite books include Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver, The Forest People, by Colin Turnball, Catch-22 (Okay, see this has some stuff in it, like cursing and brothels, but the point is the war story/dark humor).



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December 8, 2015

Feast of the Immaculate Conception. It is a beautiful day, it is a feast day, a holiday, a holy day.

I started the day exhausted and rushing from place to place, to Mass, to professor’s offices, to lunch, to  class, and it took me until after it was all over to realize how blessed I was. So here it goes:

  • I exercised and showered.
  • I ate breakfast.
  • I went to Mass with my three year old nephew and my Mom.
  • I met with my professor and she helped me plan for my final lesson plan.
  • I ate lunch with a friend and discussed life, boys, and our final group project.
  • I recognized a musician that I played a show with recently, and I said hello to him at school.
  • I got a phone call from a booking agent, confirming the details of my next show.
  • I went to class and saw my classmates.
  • I gave someone a cookie.
  • I met with a second professor and found out not only that I didn’t fail my last assignment, but that the grade I had received was a B-.
  • After some discussion the B- grade was raised to a B.
  • I finished planning most of my group project with my classmates.
  • There was free birthday cake.
  • My friend drove me home.
  • I played ukulele.
  • I composed two new songs, one of which I will definitely play at a show in the future.
  • I ate dinner.
  • The guy I’ve been communicating with ended his last message to me with “Xoxo”.

It has been a fantastic day. An extremely difficult and tiring day, but a fantastic one.

I am blessed.



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Good Morning Graduate School

I should be asleep. I will be asleep. Soon I shall sleep, but my first class is in 13 hours.

My first class in a year and a half.

Of course, as usual, I’m finding reasons to get nervous.

Like, what if all four of my classes are brain-numbingly awful?

What if I’m not meant to get a Masters in TESOL after all?

What if the English Language starts to bore me and I can’t handle all the rules because all I ever cared about were stories!???


I also just want to play ukulele and make friends.

I don’t think I’m ready to be a grown up yet.

But I have to.

Because my older siblings seem to be very determined that I don’t spend my life as a traveling musician trying to pay my student loans by singing songs…

Hey, I wouldn’t choose to do it either, but I’m just so good at it! Not the making money part, but the writing songs part. I think. Kinda….Relatively….Possibly….

Okay, I’m going to graduate school.

But, if I fail this, like I failed to pass that lift test that would’ve gotten me a job as an instructional aide in an elementary school, then I’m going to go be a famous musician.

…Of course, I could always do both.






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Good things.

I’m in pain, and it’s enough pain that I’m back to taking two Ibuprofen every four hours to deal with the achy, sore, and generally exhaustedness, and I still feel like I might just go curl up in my bed, but, I’m still happy.

Because there’s so much happy stuff in my life, that I can’t help but be content. So much hope. So much good.

It’s good because…yesterday I had coffee.

I danced with my four year old niece.

I got a slight sunburn from being outside too much.

I raised money for pregnant women and babies.

I got to hug my other four year old niece.

I got to see my godson smile.

I spent time with family.

The guy I’m starting to like actually lets me know that he likes me.

The guy that I like is actually a decent guy.

I wrote a new ukulele song, and know what I’m going to play at open mic night.

My brother wants to help me record my songs at the little production company his friend started.

My sister wants me to sing a song at her wedding reception.

I feel hopeful for the future.

I’m content with the present.

I’m building on the past.

Things are going well, even with the pain.

It’s exhausting, but it’s good.

Have a blessed day.

I am.



–  Catherine






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Cafferine, sugarrrr, crazzzy hyperrr dizzy

Cafferine. That’s Catherine hyped up on caffeine. I think I’ll make it my new nick-name.


For the past three mornings, I’ve woken up dizzy. As soon as I sit up, the room spins, and I fall back into my bed. Sometimes I just gradually steady myself.

I finally worked up the courage to mention it to my parents. Well, on the first day I mentioned it to my brother, and on the second day I mentioned it to my Dad, and today my mom overheard me talking about something health related and started frantically asking questions.

She calmed down once I explained that the entire room spun whenever I got up from a lying down position. Apparently it’s an inner ear thing, and she’s experienced it, and I’m probably just congested, so I’m not going to die or anything. Probably.

My dad suffers from intense sinus congesting, headache producing, allergies, so when it comes to congestion and inner ear problems and stuff, we have an array of decongestants to choose from.

So my Mom gave me an Alavert.

And yesterday was the official last day of Lent, and today is the feast of the Institution of the Eucharist (Catholic! Woot woot!), so my breakfast this morning was coffee and chocolate cake.

Also I’m a girl and my hormones are especially hormone-y today.

So the result of the combination of all of these things is that I’m very jittery and hyper and kinda slightly woozy, but I feel very energetic, and don’t really feel dizzy, but I kinda feel like I can’t sit down too long and I could totally climb a mountain.

I also can’t focus. And then sometimes I can focus.

Anyway, I feel pretty wonderful, and I don’t know if it’s the coffee or the sugar or the hormones or the allergy pill.




I think I’m gonna go now.

Been sitting still in one place too long.



– Cafferine/cdukulele





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Love song problems

Okay, so, is there any way to sing a love song in the presence of someone you already told you had a crush on, without them thinking the song is about them?

Without right out saying “THIS SONG IS NOT ABOUT YOU”, or something like that?

I’m not going to lie and state that it’s not about them, because it kind of is, I mean, they inspired it, but I don’t want them to know that. I don’t want to be the creepy person who sings love songs to the person they have a crush on, when they’re trying to act like they don’t have a crush on them, and not add any pressure.

I mean, I’ve already had a guy do that to me, and it was creepy.

I wouldn’t even be singing this song in front of my crush in the first place, but he goes to the same open mic night as me, and I really like the song, and everyone I’ve played it for so far likes it. I have to play it.

But John can’t know.

Maybe he won’t be there.



HELP ME! Advice? What do you think? Can I play a love song written about a guy in the audience, without creeping him out?

I mean, it’s not a creepy song it’s just “You make me happy, blah blah blah, life is wonderful, all because of you, blah blah blah.”

It’s NOT CREEPY! It’s not. Really. Unless he hears it and thinks that I’m trying to make him like me. Then it’s creepy. Otherwise, it’s a cute little love song, like the dozen others I’ve written. Except now the person I’m singing about will actually be there.

What should I do?

PLEASE COMMENT and advise. Even if it’s horrible advice. Tell me something!



– Cdukulele




Filed under Cdukulele's love life.

His Concert

It’s been a good night.

Went to John’s concert.

Slowly became even more infatuated, and felt my cheeks burning and my heart just kept crumbling more with every song.

Not good.

Not good at all really.

It’s hard to focus on being someone’s friend when they’re up on stage in front of you, five feet away, singing sweet, sweet, love songs.

Then you can only think about whether they could at all be thinking about you when they’re singing, and how they were staring at you for that half a second and they looked away as soon as you looked at them. Were they looking at you?

You wish they were looking at you. You’re pretty sure they were.
And you treasure that half a second of a stare, because for half a second he was focused on you. He cared about you. For half a second. Even if it was just half a second.

The rest of the night…Well…it was good.

I think he can’t decide what we are.

That makes me feel better…

Like, we sat on a couch together chatting, and, I mean, we were pretty close. Leaning on the same pillow so that we’d pretty much be sitting on each other’s elbows without it, close.

Friends can be close too, but not…that close.

Maybe…but he showed me his finger callouses from playing guitar. I mean, come on, excuse for a girl to touch your hands much? …No? Just weird?

Anyway, I like him, and I’m trying to be more normal about it, but he makes me want to scream it from a mountain top when he’s playing love songs and singing and being freakin’ attractive. Gosh.

He drove me home too. My parents were going to pick me up, but he offered…So yeah.


Halfway through his concert, the second after wanting to scream I loved him from a mountain top, I went back to realizing it was just friendship, at this point. And it hurt. And I got kind of mad. Because what kind of guy hangs out with you so much and talks to you so much and invites you to concerts, and then just wants to be your friend? How does he dare be so beautiful, talented, wonderful, and nice, and then just not be…not be yours?

I tried to think of scenarios wherein I was okay with this continued friendship. This continued, “I like him, and he hangs out with me, but I can’t hug him…or kiss him on the cheek,” friendship thing. All I could think of was just…being with him, a lot, and being able to talk to him more and see him more, and then maybe I could resist the urge to want to date him. To want him to just be with me; because I wouldn’t have to date him to just spend time with him, if he just spent time with me.

The spending time together thing is looking better though…I think. I mean… after tonight. He’ll probably still want to hang out with me. I think we bring each other mutual happiness.

So yeah.

That’s what happened tonight.

Plus meeting other musicians and people, and someone bringing up me actually playing music someplace myself.

It was a good night. Overall.

Goodnight. Thanks for reading.





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Filed under Cdukulele's life., Cdukulele's love life., Various writing