Tag Archives: growing

I’m sorry

Dear Ex, I’m sorry.

I went to the last place we were together today, I had to for a school related thing, and I walked past the places that we walked past, and through the doors you walked through after you kissed me on the cheek for the last time. I missed you, and I’m sorry.

I wanted to be with you, I still want to be with you, and it is because you’re smart and you’re funny, and you tend to get my jokes. It’s because you’re sweet and you’re sensitive and you want to give the world to the people you love. It’s because you care, and you care deeply. It’s because you want to love.

I know that you are trying, or at least that you want to try, please know that I’m trying to…But at some point I realized that no matter how much we tried, you were still looking for someone to make you accept yourself, and I was accepting you beyond what was right, in order to not be alone.

It would have been more loving to tell you sooner that you needed to find yourself before trying to be with someone. It would have been more loving to let you have the personal space to realize your own worth, before becoming mixed up in your calculations of what it meant to be loveable. It would have been more loving to let you be my brother in Christ, rather than being the woman in your life…to let you know unconditional love, than to make you think that you were only loved on romantic conditions.

I’m sorry, because now the romance has crumbled and the friendship that could have been is shattered.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you love yourself…I’m sorry I couldn’t make you realize that you are enough just in who you are, that you don’t have to be enough for me, just for God…and I’m hoping, praying, that as you go on in life, you realize that you are loved, and loved more fully and better by someone who loves you more than I ever could or will.

I’m sorry, I love you, and I wish you the best.

I hope that I can grow too, that I can become stronger and heal from the pain, that I can build strong friendships and worry less about romance, that I will be able to look back on our memories and relationship and not dwell on the pain, and not dwell on my longing, but rather after some time to be able to look back and see how much we’ve grown…To see how much stronger, how much better, how much holier we are. To see how we’ve changed and grown closer to God, how we’ve used our gifts to build up and love the people around us. To see us happy and content even if completely apart. And to see you either become a priest or be happily married to a beautiful woman of God. Either one of those would be great.

Anyway, that’s what I’m hoping for, and in the meantime I love you and will love you from afar, as my brother in Christ, praying we both become closer to Christ, Amen.

P.s. I blocked you on facebook.

P.p.s. I have faith that God has better plans for us than each other. [Does that sound bad? If so then I’m kind of proving my point then, aren’t I? I mean, COME ON, how can I be the one for you (God is the only true ONE for all of us) if I’m offending you all the time. Case and point. LOVE YA AS A BRO, BRO!]






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Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

ODR: Thinking about Life

The next oldest draft I had sitting in my draft pile was from December 2013, and simply spoke of my sadness over human beings being killed.

I’ve read some stuff that’s pro-choice, I’ve read some stuff that’s pro-life,

and all I have to say is that I don’t hate women, I don’t hate freedom, I want people to be happy and live fulfilled and satisfying lives, achieving all of their greatest dreams,

it’s merely that I include unborn human beings in that category.

I merely think that an unborn life is worth no less than a born one.

I think both are important.

I don’t think either one should be killed for any reason.

I think that when it comes to someone living or not living, another person should be able to make a sacrifice so that someone else lives.

That’s all.

I know we could talk about the rights of the woman…The right to do what you want with “your body”, the rights of “your future”, your career, your hopes, your dreams….and it’s just…Those may temporarily be on hold, but when you have an abortion, that human’s dreams, that human’s future, is ended.

Maybe, maybe your life is changed dramatically…Is it as dramatic as being ended entirely?

So that’s all. I just believe that the unborn person is a person as much as you and I are people.

Not a lump of cells.

Not an indeterminate mass.

It’s the product of the reproductive system, reproducing, creating life, life has been created.

I just think that life should be allowed to live.

Love and peace,

– cdukulele



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Filed under ODR: Old Drafts Revisited