Tag Archives: desire

What I want.

Can you please love me?

After so many years of blog posts and poems and songs and conversations, I figured out what it is I really want:

I want you to look at me, sit with me, listen to me, talk to me, hear me, and tell me that

it’s okay, you love me, you’re there for me, and you understand.

I want to know that no matter what I’m going through or what problem I’m dealing with, you’ll be there with me.

You won’t ever give up.

Won’t ever walk away. Won’t get worn out and tired of me because I’m depressing to be around.

Won’t do to me what I’ve done to so many people, won’t reach your limit of my problems and throw me away, because I’m not worth it.

Because the good isn’t worth the bad.

I just want you to love me. Unconditionally…so that I can stop locking it all up. So that I can stop holding it all in. So that I can stop only being the part of me that I think you can handle, one sliver of me at a time.

I just want to be fully me. Fully miserable when I’m miserable, fully happy when I’m happy.

Accept all my sorrow so that I know you’ll accept all my joy.

I don’t even know if I think it’s possible.

I …don’t think it’s possible for someone to love me in that way.

All my life has been a series of lessons teaching me that the only one who can really complete me is God, and that no one can be for me like he is.

And so I don’t see how you could possibly love me and accept me fully, because I don’t know if I would even love and accept me fully.

I don’t even know if someone exists who would love and accept every part of me and tell me that they’re never giving up on me.

I don’t know if it’s too much to ask of someone.

To just choose you, and stick by you, no matter what you go through…

That’s what I want…because it hurts so much when they give up.

And if the only one who can do that is God, then I don’t know…I don’t know what I’d want to even try to be with you for.

Because why attempt at joy when I know you can never fully give it. Why attempt at love when I know yours is only a shallow imitation. Is the shallow imitation enough?

I don’t know.

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life.

Out-of-line Dating.

Nope. It still hurts.

It was definitely too soon
to jump into that ruin,
which in itself can probably be nice,
but right now I need real life.

Can’t handle the expectations,
negotiations,
communications,
all without many regulations,
so the heart just keeps getting trampled,
all while you feel like you’re being sampled,
and people are like:
“Is this what I want? Let me judge, judge and flaunt. No, I don’t like that stuff, well I’ve had enough, move on.”

Then I do it too.
See, I learn from you.
Your habits kind of rub off on me.
Then I’m judging by guessing and vague notions of reality.

Loving, no.
Thinking, so,
so much.

Unkind cookie cutter thinking that in a blinking
washes souls away and divides into who I will and will not
play this game of trying to love with,
like a sieve.

And love should not be a game
for the strong or the lame.
We should not compete
to see if we are complete
enough by ourselves
or if we need someone to tell
us
who we are,
because what we are
is loved.

That’s how it should be.
Loving, and you loving me.
Live that reality.
Stop looking for someone to love and just love someone. Everyone.
Love them like they are a person worthy of love. Yes it’s enough.
Love.

Don’t search and be curt and cause people hurt because you want “love”.
Don’t please and inspire and set hearts on fire because you need their “love”.
Don’t say and do whatever you can, pretend that you are the perfect man, try to complete any life long plan, because of “love”.

Honestly be. Honestly see. Honestly get to know me…and then, maybe you can be, in “love”…but first you have to really Love.

————————————————————————–short comment—————————————————————————
Yeah, I used the word “love” a lot. The English language is a bit deficient in the words for “love” category. Still, I hope you enjoyed it and got the point. Or got something out of it.
I’m emotionally hurting a bit right now, so I wrote. If ya have any questions, or loving, friendly comments, feel free to add them below. It’d be nice to hear from you. Hear how you like my poetry. Hear how confused you are. Hear about my grammar errors (Ha. You wouldn’t do that to me, would ya? …Except, please do, if you are seriously distracted and confused by something. For that would imply that you deeply read and analyzed my poetry, and that’s a compliment in itself).

-cdukulele

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Filed under All Poetry, Love Poems