Tag Archives: cold

Fighting colds and exes.

My life feels like it’s in shambles…but that’s probably because I’m fighting a cold, and not because it’s reality.

My ex is trying to get back into my life and he’s made some fairly convincing arguments. Arguments that I’ve batted away with reminders of all the ways he failed me when we were together.

I’m like venom and he doesn’t care.

He just keeps taking the bites.

I’m rather miserable over it all. I’ve had a cold for just about the same amount of time I’ve had him back in my life.

 

And I’m afraid of being alone, and he makes me laugh, and I can be a¬†horrible person to him and he still wants me in his life.

It’s not healthy.

I’m not healthy.

I’m sick in the short term and the long term.

A bundle of bones that I’ve been trying to protect by ordering copious amounts of supportive dress shoes online for.

I try them on, realize they don’t fit/don’t fit and aren’t something I could ever conceivably wear to a work or dress function anyway, and return them.

Then I pity myself.

 

Things are a million times better than when I spent Christmas in a neckbrace, but why do I feel so much worse?

How does my ex-love keep hurting me.

Why do I want him back in my life?

I need a cup of tea and to have my Christmas shopping finished.

I need Christ in my heart pulverizing my loneliness and empty desires for the people who crush my soul.

I want good people in my life who support me and love me and help me continue on a path to righteousness…and I don’t know what my ex is.

It hurts. I know it hurts.

It hurts so much that somehow I’m left questioning all that I am, a woman, a college student, a daughter – an unemployed bunch of failings.

I’ve rejected concert offers, because I haven’t written anything new in months and because I don’t want to handle the stress anymore.

I’m cutting out music to focus on…drawing it into my life as a future teacher.

Because I’m tired.

I’m tired.

I need sleep. I need some preparation for Christmas. Christ’s coming to my heart.

 

Aye.

 

God bless you all, fight on!

-I got a cold.

 

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Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

Shots of Nyquil – A poem –

Shots of Nyquil help me sleep
Sleep I do, but not so deep
Stuck in memories that keep
me shifting, tossing covers.

I am sick but I’m not cold
Still so young but feel so old
Wishing for the path untold
With fear of never trying.

Now I move to make me whole
I’m on a path to keep my soul
trudging grandly, to pay the toll,
a future still in question.

Oh to sing, it would be grand
for them to hear and understand
to look and see and give a hand,
a future that I dream of.

But on I march and quite unsure,
On I march, for I am her,
Steadily working without lure
toward the future I have chosen.

This is my life, or so it seems
This is my life, not stuff of dreams
This is my life, and all it brings
I hope will be enough.

Shots of Nyquil help me sleep
Sleep I do, but not so deep
Tossing covers do not keep
Me warm, but I’m not cold.

Dreaming of the life I’d lead
If I wasn’t drawn by need
To pay for bill, loan, or deed,
Oh what a life in question.

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Filed under General Poems

Sneezy

I just sneezed like, 10 times while typing up a comment response to a blog post I was reading.

I think it was God’s way of telling me to give up and go to bed.

Either go to bed, or study, anything but spend two hours pointlessly on my computer because I’m bad at handling reality.

Here comes tomorrow.

Tomorrow and the second Grammar test of doom.

I got a perfect score on the first one that I procrastinated studying for, this killed my work ethic for the second one.

It’s hard to study when you didn’t want to study in the first place, and now your teacher made you think you don’t need to study anymore because you passed that test.

But…I don’t really know the stuff for this test.

MAN. First I post about being poor, then I post about being lazy, and every other post is about my non-existent relationship skills.

I feel like I must be obnoxious.

Positives…positives…

Um, I don’t insult people….to their face….by name….much….

Me failing the test tomorrow could be a good thing. Up my humility. Put my mind back on track. Get me out of the la-la-world where I can’t study because it makes me hate life.

Yes, I’m sure failing a test will make studying in the future a joyous occasion…

I really got to stop with the negativity.

On a happy note, God loves me, no matter how ridiculously poor and lazy and depressed and miserable I am.

Not that I am poor and depressed and miserable.

Why would I be those things?

Maybe because my toe started going numb again and I secretly fear that it is a sign that I am about to die?…NAH.

Oh Sarcasm, my dear friend.

Well, it’s time for me to sleep. I’ll study in the morning. You don’t know me, but in reality I really am a pretty decent student. Hardworking even. Or I was. Eh. Eh eh eh. I can always be better.

– Me

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Filed under Cdukulele's life.

Off into the cold, cold night.

I’m going to open mic night.

It’s freezing cold and I’ve run out of songs to sing.

I have my poem.

I always spend the first two hours of open mic night stressed and impatient.

In the last fifteen minutes I play my song. Then I’m hyper and overjoyed.

Let’s see how this goes.

See you later little followers.

Kind followers.

Safe within the warm confines of time and my computer screen.

Until we meet again.

– cdukulele

(I owe you guys some poems, and blogging. Hopefully tonight will be inspiring. PEACE!)

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Filed under Various writing