Tag Archives: beauty

Poem: Wading through thorns.

“I appreciate you” I say pointlessly, while my hormones are raging, and I allow them to force me to speak this momentarily overwhelming stupid thought, that is half honesty, out of an attempt to make you communicate something more toward me. Communicate. With me.

Heart pounding and I see you smile and just want to wrap my arms around you, wrap your arms around me, be warm and soft and held tight like you love me.

Cursing these hormones and these thoughts and hopes that are built on short bouts of laughter and glances from your dark, beautiful eyes.

You stare a lot, and I don’t know what you communicate, but you set my heart on fire and it won’t seem to go out.

Glances and smiles with those beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks and beautiful teeth gleaming white, perfectly set in a smiling mouth.

You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are attractive and every physical part of me wants to be closer to you, and I’m at war with myself, mind over matter, because the matter is trying to take over and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

Because mentally, oh beautifully attractive one, mentally I know it is not time. Mentally, oh captivating heartthrob, causer of my heartbeats and blackouts of mind, mentally, I know that this is more overwhelming infatuation than love. This is more biological than rational, this is more instinct than instance, this is more me wanting to be loved than me loving, and I can’t have that.

I can’t have this.

I repel that desire for objectification, no matter the momentary elation of that satiation of desire, I repel that instant gratification, that short term duration of feeling, built on matter fleeting, of feeding that burning fire
that burns without purpose except to excite, that burns with heat but gives no great light, that burns to consume and exhaust and deplete, I reject that sterile and empty feat.
I reject the unwholesome consumption of you, crumbling your beauty not loving you through, I reject that notion that hearts can’t be tamed, that we can go on and on and not be blamed, I reject this notion, this desire to obtain, I reject these thoughts that leave love lame, I reject the dampening of Purity’s gleam, ruining her waters, defiling a stream of love, of goodness, of truth and joy, of happiness and beauty and all we employ when deeply and truly loving each other, I reject the bad and will accept no other love – except a love that is true, a love that loves every aspect of you.

I will fight for the truth and a heart that embraces
you and every single one of your faces,
you when you’re broken and you when you’re down,
you when you’re silent and when you make no sound,
you when you’re shouting and singing for joy,
you when you’re manly, or when you feel like a boy,
you when you need me and you when you don’t,
you when you help me and you when you won’t,
to love you despite, in addition, and because,
to love you for reasons that were, are, and was,
I will fight for a love that embraces all things that make you more holy and through which God brings us closer to him and to each other, deeper in love with him and one another.

I will fight for the Love he provides with no mercy.
I will fight for the Love he provides til I’m worthy
to have you, to hold you, to love you, a man,
I will fight to love you and try til I can.

You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and once that beauty was all I could see, blinded by the gift of sight, couldn’t see the soul surrounded in light. You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and I will try to love that beauty, love and respect and pray for and wait, and melt the lust that’s hiding self-hate. You are beautiful, you reflect perfection, and I will wait until God points me in the right direction. You are beautiful and my heart reaches for you, but it will stay still until I ever say “I do”.

Thank you Lord, for the beauty in the world, and please protect the heart of this awestruck girl.

AMEN.

 

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

Poem: Don’t know much

I don’t know why I care so much, sometimes I wish I didn’t.
I don’t know why I want you here, but life just seems so empty without you in it.
I don’t like these jealousies, and for them there’s no excuse.
I’d give them up entirely, I hope they’ll be forgotten from disuse.

I don’t know why I care so much or what happened to begin it,
I don’t recall being swept off my feet or the falling, but I know I’m in it.
I don’t know what makes you so beautiful, so shining, such a delight,
All I know is that I feel more whole when you are in my sight.

I know it’s not just the way you look, because I didn’t notice that
Until I noticed what makes you you, and that is where I am at,
Noticing who you really are and how your beauty shines
More than just the sculpture of your face and body lines.

I don’t know why I care so much, but you’re something to care about
You’re beautiful in every important way and it makes me want to shout
Glory to God for making you, you’re such a treasure here
Glory to God, and now I’ll pray that somehow you’ll be near.

In space, in time, in friendship or love
In spirit, in soul, in any way God above
Deems right or perfect or true or saving,
For me to be with you I’m aiming.
I’ll accept what I’m given,
I’ll probably pray for more,
I don’t know why exactly,
I may never be sure,
but for reasons of love I want to be with you
and for reasons of love I wish you’d want to be with me too.

Maybe I know why I care so much, and why I wish I didn’t
Because you’re such a joy to love, and life’s not as good without you in it.

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Humility

I’m good enough.

Just that.

That’s all I need to be. Good enough for me. That’s all.

So what if she’s gorgeous and sings like an angel and can arrange symphonies that sound like God himself gave her a hand, and he probably did…

I don’t need to be amazing. I don’t need to be beautiful. I don’t need to wow thousands with me.

I just need to be me and live the best life I can and do what I can with the gifts God gave me.

Which don’t currently include the- Ohmygosh- Sorry, this is so much harder to write as I listen to her, this next verse is amazing. Seriously. She is loveable.

Anyway. Now I have a role model.

Meanwhile, I’ll just keep doing what I can do.

I feel sick. I think I’m going to go to sleep. I can do that.

Sleep and make the bags under my eyes disappear and dream of figuring out what I need to do and having the strength to do it…

Night night.

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Poem about Real Love

The internet allows for waaaaaay too much stalking. Too much heart stupidity. I should write some more happy stuff on here.

I’m a nut.
Thinking about what?
You, and your stupid little star striking ability.
Your voice kinda devours me.
Please go marry her.
Go fall and love and be happy.
Then maybe I can fall into my role as best friend, instead of heartbroken lover.

This is why I shouldn’t have friends.
This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to have guy friends.
This is why I can’t socialize with people like you.Beautiful people with beautiful voices that I just want to hug.

Is it possible to hug a voice?
Your voice makes me feel like hugging, and jumping through fields of lavendar.

It makes me feel so very angry and so very happy at the same time. So angry happy. So happy, that I’m angry.
I feel like you had more control over this than I did.
Like you knew what you were doing, with your voice, and your words, and your friendship,
Melting my heart.

Mine is an unreasonable response.
Unreasonable, unlogical response, and like a muse, you go on, and I melt, lost and inspired in my pain.
But yours is an unreasonable beauty.
I can’t love it so much, it cannot be so loveable, so desirable, so soul stretching, but it is, losing me in its depth.

The Lord knows. That unfathomable beauty, that unfathomable desire for it. He knows. He sees it. He lives it. He makes it.

The beauty to reflect back to him, the desire to pull towards him.

In my loneliness I look at that which is lovely and I realize it doesn’t fill my emptiness.
I look at that which draws me in and I see that it’s meant to bring me to more, to the source of all love.

I am drawn in by your beauty, but I am drawn past you, past the creation, to the Creator, past the painting and to the painter of real love itself, drawn to him, drawn to Christ, drawn to true Love.

I love you, oh how I love you, and I am going to try to continue to love because of you, because of the light of the Love I see in you, that reflection of the perfection.

I will continue to love you, to try to love you, like a lover of Christ.

Working toward perfection with my life.

I will love, and that will be enough, for me.

———

Now to find an open mic to read that at… – Catherine.

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