Category Archives: Love Poems

Any and all poems related to my broken and beating heart.

Poem: Wading through thorns.

“I appreciate you” I say pointlessly, while my hormones are raging, and I allow them to force me to speak this momentarily overwhelming stupid thought, that is half honesty, out of an attempt to make you communicate something more toward me. Communicate. With me.

Heart pounding and I see you smile and just want to wrap my arms around you, wrap your arms around me, be warm and soft and held tight like you love me.

Cursing these hormones and these thoughts and hopes that are built on short bouts of laughter and glances from your dark, beautiful eyes.

You stare a lot, and I don’t know what you communicate, but you set my heart on fire and it won’t seem to go out.

Glances and smiles with those beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks and beautiful teeth gleaming white, perfectly set in a smiling mouth.

You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are attractive and every physical part of me wants to be closer to you, and I’m at war with myself, mind over matter, because the matter is trying to take over and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

Because mentally, oh beautifully attractive one, mentally I know it is not time. Mentally, oh captivating heartthrob, causer of my heartbeats and blackouts of mind, mentally, I know that this is more overwhelming infatuation than love. This is more biological than rational, this is more instinct than instance, this is more me wanting to be loved than me loving, and I can’t have that.

I can’t have this.

I repel that desire for objectification, no matter the momentary elation of that satiation of desire, I repel that instant gratification, that short term duration of feeling, built on matter fleeting, of feeding that burning fire
that burns without purpose except to excite, that burns with heat but gives no great light, that burns to consume and exhaust and deplete, I reject that sterile and empty feat.
I reject the unwholesome consumption of you, crumbling your beauty not loving you through, I reject that notion that hearts can’t be tamed, that we can go on and on and not be blamed, I reject this notion, this desire to obtain, I reject these thoughts that leave love lame, I reject the dampening of Purity’s gleam, ruining her waters, defiling a stream of love, of goodness, of truth and joy, of happiness and beauty and all we employ when deeply and truly loving each other, I reject the bad and will accept no other love – except a love that is true, a love that loves every aspect of you.

I will fight for the truth and a heart that embraces
you and every single one of your faces,
you when you’re broken and you when you’re down,
you when you’re silent and when you make no sound,
you when you’re shouting and singing for joy,
you when you’re manly, or when you feel like a boy,
you when you need me and you when you don’t,
you when you help me and you when you won’t,
to love you despite, in addition, and because,
to love you for reasons that were, are, and was,
I will fight for a love that embraces all things that make you more holy and through which God brings us closer to him and to each other, deeper in love with him and one another.

I will fight for the Love he provides with no mercy.
I will fight for the Love he provides til I’m worthy
to have you, to hold you, to love you, a man,
I will fight to love you and try til I can.

You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and once that beauty was all I could see, blinded by the gift of sight, couldn’t see the soul surrounded in light. You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and I will try to love that beauty, love and respect and pray for and wait, and melt the lust that’s hiding self-hate. You are beautiful, you reflect perfection, and I will wait until God points me in the right direction. You are beautiful and my heart reaches for you, but it will stay still until I ever say “I do”.

Thank you Lord, for the beauty in the world, and please protect the heart of this awestruck girl.

AMEN.

 

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

Poem: Text me.

Text me and say you love me.

Text me and say you care.

Text me and say you know that I have my imperfections and flaws, but you love my imperfections and flaws, and you just want me to be near.

Text me and say I’m funny.

Say I’m smart and kind and wise.

Tell me I’m pretty and gorgeous and beautiful, and you want to behold me with your eyes.

Text me and say that I’m perfect, not really, but perfect for you.

That with all my broken and sickness, you still want to be me and you.

Text me and write words of affection, of kindness and sweetness and love,

text me and tell me something,

because this nothing is not enough.

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Poem: After the first message

I hate technology, the ability to communicate with someone without actually being there is overrated.

Also, I love technology, and the ability to communicate with someone who you can’t see in person is…

torture.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, phone.

Feeling like you’re close when you’re totally alone.

I just want to talk in person.

STUPID PHONE.

I hate the part where this is half conversation and half waiting game,

where I don’t get your undivided attention.

I like undivided attention.

I would very much like to share some undivided attention with you.

I need patience.

Oh this world.

I need patience until the undivided attention can happen – without the stupid technology,

that brings us together but

can’t bring us very close.

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The first message

Innocent white light,

Investigative click,

A message pops up,

and it’s from you.

I read the words,

and my heart mildly bursts

because it seems like a lot more

than I hoped for.

I didn’t realize I was hoping for so little

until you said so much,

and now I’ve mildly fallen

into another crush.

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Amen

I cry

and He puts the people that I need in my life

to wipe away my tears.

I laugh

because there are people in my life

through all the years.

He loves me through every one of them, and I love back and try to be like Him.

Praise the Lord.

Amen.

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ODR: Hey You

Where are you?
Whenever I’m around you, that’s all I’m asking myself.
You’re on the move, without a word, at least, none I’ve heard, where are you?
That’s the thing, I write and I sing, but is there no one who will just bring themselves to me?
Just, being fully present, former life irrelevant, future not involved, nothing to be solved, just be, with me.
Where are you?
Do you need to fly at every moment? Can you take a breath, and hold it? Can you give it a chance, and finally relax, and let go of the woe, and finally sew the seeds of friendship?
I miss you, and I want that. Will you tell me that I can’t have it?
Will you understand, take my hand, look in my eyes, and phrase your goodbyes to explain why?
You disappeared again, and it makes me softly wonder if you were ever here, was I ever really dear? Because, you’re gone again, and it hurts.

(Composed August 2014)

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Filed under All Poetry, Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems, ODR: Old Drafts Revisited

Better in the Morning

Everything is better in the morning.

I’m pretty sure my dreams last night were about you

acting like you loved me and stuff,

and I’m sure that had no impact on me

waking up with hope

and cheerily,

after hitting snooze five times,

because those dreams were just too good to stop.

No impact at all.

It’s always hard for me to stop those dreams,

leave the comfort of my made up reality,

and face the world in which

you love me

but not as much as I hope,

never as much as I dream.

Either my heart forgot its aches in the night,

or I dreamed that you loved me,

either way, I’m somehow better in the morning.

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