Category Archives: All Poetry

Some poems, because I edit better when writing something just two sentences long.

Fear

I am afraid of my bones

betraying me

when I need them most

dragging me down

so I’m barely a ghost

unable to move

because they are rock

choking me

so I can’t see, hear, or talk.

I am afraid of my future

the world unknown,

what will happen when

I’m older but not much more grown,

when it’s time to be ready

and I’m not ready in time

I’m afraid of the future, I’m afraid of dying.

I’m afraid of failure,

I’m afraid of breaking,

I’m afraid of missing out by chances not taking,

I’m afraid of loneliness,

I’m afraid of greed,

I’m afraid of not having all that I’ll need.

I’m afraid of myself – not being enough,

taking the parts and not having the stuff

to make it through to be the best I can be,

I’m afraid of myself, failing me.

I am afraid

and it makes me cry, makes me huddle together, rock back and forth, sigh.

It makes me stare into space and question my plans, makes me shiver and fumble and squeeze my hands.

I am afraid

and it makes me weak. Makes me tired of listening and not willing to speak. Makes me want to give up, stop trying, not go on – makes me crumble and tumble headlong, from minute to minute, day to day, lost in the current of not being okay, insecure, unwise, alone, and unmade, fearing that no one will come to my aide, wanting someone to tell me to not be afraid.

I pause and reflect, my memories recollect, the answer I’ve heard, sung word by word…”Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me, and I will give you rest”.

 

My heart calms, I still have qualms, but they’re soothed by psalms, and with a belief that the ONE loves me… perhaps I can be free.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under General Poems

Poem to Friendship

Is it a mistake to wake and take

a moment to send a message,

a note I wrote,

merely, to tell you

Thank you

and you’re sweet,

and you’re kind,

and God bless?

Because I was thinking about it and every other male “friend” managed to add to my life a pile of stress,

and you just are…and are so nicely.

Quietly listen, listen politely.

Don’t barrage me with words or try to indict me

in an entitled way

measuring all the words I did or didn’t say.

You just are and take me in,

you’re just sweet, truly a friend,

and I appreciate it and you,

I value it, I really do.

So, thank you.

 

Now the message’s sent,

you’ve read it, it’s gone, I don’t repent

because you’re all kindness in words and deed,

you deserved to see it, to know and let it feed

your  goodness, your friendship, and to continue,

in being amazing, in being you.

 

-cd

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under General Poems, Various writing

Poem: Wading through thorns.

“I appreciate you” I say pointlessly, while my hormones are raging, and I allow them to force me to speak this momentarily overwhelming stupid thought, that is half honesty, out of an attempt to make you communicate something more toward me. Communicate. With me.

Heart pounding and I see you smile and just want to wrap my arms around you, wrap your arms around me, be warm and soft and held tight like you love me.

Cursing these hormones and these thoughts and hopes that are built on short bouts of laughter and glances from your dark, beautiful eyes.

You stare a lot, and I don’t know what you communicate, but you set my heart on fire and it won’t seem to go out.

Glances and smiles with those beautiful eyes and beautiful cheeks and beautiful teeth gleaming white, perfectly set in a smiling mouth.

You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are attractive and every physical part of me wants to be closer to you, and I’m at war with myself, mind over matter, because the matter is trying to take over and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

Because mentally, oh beautifully attractive one, mentally I know it is not time. Mentally, oh captivating heartthrob, causer of my heartbeats and blackouts of mind, mentally, I know that this is more overwhelming infatuation than love. This is more biological than rational, this is more instinct than instance, this is more me wanting to be loved than me loving, and I can’t have that.

I can’t have this.

I repel that desire for objectification, no matter the momentary elation of that satiation of desire, I repel that instant gratification, that short term duration of feeling, built on matter fleeting, of feeding that burning fire
that burns without purpose except to excite, that burns with heat but gives no great light, that burns to consume and exhaust and deplete, I reject that sterile and empty feat.
I reject the unwholesome consumption of you, crumbling your beauty not loving you through, I reject that notion that hearts can’t be tamed, that we can go on and on and not be blamed, I reject this notion, this desire to obtain, I reject these thoughts that leave love lame, I reject the dampening of Purity’s gleam, ruining her waters, defiling a stream of love, of goodness, of truth and joy, of happiness and beauty and all we employ when deeply and truly loving each other, I reject the bad and will accept no other love – except a love that is true, a love that loves every aspect of you.

I will fight for the truth and a heart that embraces
you and every single one of your faces,
you when you’re broken and you when you’re down,
you when you’re silent and when you make no sound,
you when you’re shouting and singing for joy,
you when you’re manly, or when you feel like a boy,
you when you need me and you when you don’t,
you when you help me and you when you won’t,
to love you despite, in addition, and because,
to love you for reasons that were, are, and was,
I will fight for a love that embraces all things that make you more holy and through which God brings us closer to him and to each other, deeper in love with him and one another.

I will fight for the Love he provides with no mercy.
I will fight for the Love he provides til I’m worthy
to have you, to hold you, to love you, a man,
I will fight to love you and try til I can.

You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and once that beauty was all I could see, blinded by the gift of sight, couldn’t see the soul surrounded in light. You are beautiful, sitting across from me, and I will try to love that beauty, love and respect and pray for and wait, and melt the lust that’s hiding self-hate. You are beautiful, you reflect perfection, and I will wait until God points me in the right direction. You are beautiful and my heart reaches for you, but it will stay still until I ever say “I do”.

Thank you Lord, for the beauty in the world, and please protect the heart of this awestruck girl.

AMEN.

 

2 Comments

Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

Poem: Text me.

Text me and say you love me.

Text me and say you care.

Text me and say you know that I have my imperfections and flaws, but you love my imperfections and flaws, and you just want me to be near.

Text me and say I’m funny.

Say I’m smart and kind and wise.

Tell me I’m pretty and gorgeous and beautiful, and you want to behold me with your eyes.

Text me and say that I’m perfect, not really, but perfect for you.

That with all my broken and sickness, you still want to be me and you.

Text me and write words of affection, of kindness and sweetness and love,

text me and tell me something,

because this nothing is not enough.

Leave a comment

Filed under Love Poems

Poem: After the first message

I hate technology, the ability to communicate with someone without actually being there is overrated.

Also, I love technology, and the ability to communicate with someone who you can’t see in person is…

torture.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, phone.

Feeling like you’re close when you’re totally alone.

I just want to talk in person.

STUPID PHONE.

I hate the part where this is half conversation and half waiting game,

where I don’t get your undivided attention.

I like undivided attention.

I would very much like to share some undivided attention with you.

I need patience.

Oh this world.

I need patience until the undivided attention can happen – without the stupid technology,

that brings us together but

can’t bring us very close.

Leave a comment

Filed under Love Poems

The first message

Innocent white light,

Investigative click,

A message pops up,

and it’s from you.

I read the words,

and my heart mildly bursts

because it seems like a lot more

than I hoped for.

I didn’t realize I was hoping for so little

until you said so much,

and now I’ve mildly fallen

into another crush.

Leave a comment

Filed under Cdukulele's love life., Love Poems

Flagpole Friendship

Dear guy,
you’re in my life and I don’t know why,
I prayed for an ease to the loneliness and you came,
but I don’t know if the reason for your coming is the same
or connected to the answer to my prayer.
I do appreciate you being there.
However, dear guy,
I really shouldn’t lie,
I appreciate your friendship,
but I always want more, like kinship,
and I know that is not a good idea with you,
because I don’t think that’s an idea you’re favorable to,
and even if you were, we’re far too different to make that work.
Work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
work,
flagpole.

Leave a comment

Filed under All Poetry