I look back on the posts that compiled all the thoughts I had of you at the beginning of our relationship.
They made me want to go back. Then I remembered that the compliments were merely paint to hide the crumbling broken parts, of you, of what you thought of me, of the fact that our relationship was a sham built on mutual loneliness… There was friendship, at one point, or an attempt at it – but it was stifled by imagination and your formulations of a future we would never have together.
Pieces were there, and you were happy trying to glue them together with kisses and compliments to make the mis-matched fit, and I was distracted by someone actually noticing me…
But compliments wear off and it got more difficult for you to keep trying, to change yourself to not be the person you were hiding, and I gave it up.
I gave it up and it crumbled and the mirrors were gone and reality set in.
And in reality you called and you cried and you revealed your true heart and the fact that you were never ready for this relationship to begin with.
That I was weak to have agreed to it.
That you were weak and wanted it to give you the strength you didn’t have.
I am not your strength, and I never could be, and I can’t go back.