At some point in my life I was content without that voice. Without your words. Without your praise and love and admiration.
I was enough. It was enough.
But having had a taste of what it’s like, to be viewed in the eyes of someone who holds you so highly…Now it’s difficult to let go.
And wisdom tells me, experience has told me, love will tell me, that I need to let go.
I don’t want to.
I don’t know how to be without you.
It hurts and the sound of your voice over the phone is like salve on a wound, and it is salve, because it’s a message continuing “You are wanted, you are loved, you are not alone”.
And I know it. I know that.
I know that even without you I am wanted. Even without you I am loved. Without you I am still not alone.
But I feel so differently. My feelings refuse to align themselves with the knowledge in my mind.
And it hurts.
I miss you and it hurts.
I know I shouldn’t, I don’t want to…but I am not a robot and my heart aches with the memories of what was and the crushed hopes of things that will never be.
I still want them to be, and I still want to be able to listen to your voice.
I love and miss
you….and your voice.