Your voice

At some point in my life I was content without that voice. Without your words. Without your praise and love and admiration.

I was enough. It was enough.

But having had a taste of what it’s like, to be viewed in the eyes of someone who holds you so highly…Now it’s difficult to let go.

And wisdom tells me, experience has told me, love will tell me, that I need to let go.

I don’t want to.

I don’t know how to be without you.

It hurts and the sound of your voice over the phone is like salve on a wound, and it is salve, because it’s a message continuing “You are wanted, you are loved, you are not alone”.

And I know it. I know that.

I know that even without you I am wanted. Even without you I am loved. Without you I am still not alone.

But I feel so differently. My feelings refuse to align themselves with the knowledge in my mind.

And it hurts.

It hurts.

I miss you and it hurts.

I know I shouldn’t, I don’t want to…but I am not a robot and my heart aches with the memories of what was and the crushed hopes of things that will never be.

I still want them to be, and I still want to be able to listen to your voice.

I love and miss

you….and your voice.

 

 

 

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3 Comments

Filed under Cdukulele's love life.

3 responses to “Your voice

  1. this is just so relatable. and even being a compulsive blogger and an occasional rant writer, i cant possibly dig out words to express how much i needed such a post. ❤

    • It flippin hurts. I’m very sorry that you share this pain. I think it’s the pain of every human being on the planet, the desire to be loved, the hope of finding a person who loves you back, the realization that they cannot love you as you should be loved, and you cannot love them that way in return, the battle between mind and heart as you try to get over them and be a loving person…to not use someone simply to fill the loneliness…to move on… I think I elaborated a bit more than the original post…but those were the feelings. I hope that you feel loved and not alone, because you are both loved and not alone.

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