I’m torn between believing I’m just like everyone else, and hitting the snooze button six times, covered in a blanket to keep out the cold, wishing my shoulders didn’t hurt and not having the energy to even begin to do my stretches…

Then I remember Marcus Aurelius and I feel even more guilt:

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’

— But it’s nicer in here …

So you were born to feel ‘nice’? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?

— But we have to sleep sometime …

Agreed. But nature set a limit on that — as it did on eating and drinking. And you’re over the limit. You’ve had more than enough of that. But not of working. There you’re still below your quota.

I should start waking up at dawn…That sounds like a good idea.

I’m also thinking about giving up the ukulele concerts, I have another one in a couple weeks, but I hardly ever get to practicing…what with school and that social life I’m attempting to weave together to make me forget my ex….

Yep. All I have going for me right now is the fact that most of the people I interact with think I’m nice and I’m not failing Grad school.

The morning defeated me today…Maybe I’ll do better tomorrow…and go to the gym tonight…that’ll make me feel better.

Human beings in general have a tendency to not want to do things that take work, right? It’s not just me. I just think I’m worse off because I can pity aching muscles and think about the physical therapy I should be doing. I can gripe. I can claim that others have less to overcome, fewer excuses.

And in reality we all have our own stuff to overcome and I have to just do it. I’m doing it. I’ll try at least.

So I’m setting goals, gym today, and wake up at least an hour earlier tomorrow than I did today.

They’re little goals, but they’re something.

P.S. I just discovered coconut milk in tea…I have hope.






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