I’m not half as interesting in person as I am when I am composing blog posts which speak mostly to myself. Or maybe I am. Maybe I’m crazy interesting. I do tend to spend most of my out-in-the-real-world time contemplating one-line responses to questions and statements that will make the people around me laugh. Maybe I like attention too much…
At any rate, this propensity for humor has been useful for generally increasing the cheeriness of people around me, but it’s apparently useless in the one-on-one date context. Maybe it’s the people that I elect to spend one-on-one date time with. Maybe I care too much about what they think and so I turn down the humor level and turn up the serious-thoughtful-intelligent-smart Catherine level. (I know, I know, how is it possible to turn that up, how can you get to a level of brilliance that is past “Catherine”?…) I don’t know, but what I do know is that in the presence of a certain male I seem to lose all my great conversational ability.
It’s all…”How’s life?” and instead of saying, “Oh you know, it’s horrible and I think I’m barely hanging on, but I made cookies today, so actually it’s pretty good”, I blandly say “Fine”…and I let the conversation die.
I wonder if this is my fault.
Perhaps I care too much of this person’s opinion of me, and instead of being my wonderful humorous self, I become the reserved Catherine who doesn’t speak up. This would be less annoying if they weren’t doing the exact same thing. Two people hanging out who are too afraid to speak for fear of making the other person lose interest become incredibly boring to each other, and ultimately lose interest.
Let that be a lesson to you, if you let fear control you, you become boring.
Don’t be controlled by fear.
Side note: Wisdom and fear are two different things, knowing that a stove is hot and not wanting to touch it and burn your hand is not fear, but wisdom. So be cautious and be wise, but be not afraid.