Building friendships.

I wish I had more of these deep conversations.

Maybe I have them.

Last night.
Looking around the table at the faces, exhaustion, blank, bored, staring at a phone in thought.
I’m trying to find life.
I’m trying to find energy.
They just look worn down.
They just look empty.
They just seem like they stopped caring.

I want to be surrounded with the people so alive, so full of it, that they are bursting with thoughts or ideas or living.
Not surrounded by people who seem like they don’t want to be there.

Today…how is it that this, why does this make me content?
The conversation on a topic of interest.
Actually willing to communicate.
Is that it?
Is that what I desire?
Is that the simple part of the equation that the night before lacked?
People desiring to communicate?
Or was it people I wanted to communciate with?

Why do I want to communicate with you?
What makes you special?
The fact that I see you more frequently? That I feel like conversations with you are invested toward something greater? Invested toward building a friendship…and it just gets stronger. Every moment is valuable because I feel like you’ll be around for the long haul, and that you are the kind of person I want around for the long haul, while the others…
The others…
We just haven’t reached that depth yet?
Right now we’re still scratching the surface of a friendship, still getting used to the idea of being together, and so we aren’t really together yet?

Is it as simple as the difference between me wanting friends who will be there …no…I know exactly what it is…

In those friendships, I’m the one who cares. Trying to unite and connect and bring together.
In this friendship, in these conversations, it seems like you care too.
I like that.
I need that.

People appreciate being cared about…and that’s why these moments with you are worth so more than those hours last night.
Because pouring yourself out into people who don’t care breaks you down, but the mutual caring rebuilds.

Thank you for helping rebuild me.


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Filed under Cdukulele's life.

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