Whew, I just wrote a poem inspired by communicating with a friend of mine, someone who I was swooning over a year and many months ago, and then heartbroken over a little bit after that, and now…Now we’re actually legitimate friends.
Like, I’m happy with where we are.
We are actually just friends, and I am content.
Our friendship is mutually joyful.
We can talk and be happy.
We can chill and be happy.
We triumph in each other’s successes.
We will each other’s good.
And we are just happy.
And I want nothing more.
And I have all I want.
And a year and a half ago I probably would have stared at the current me (In the fictional situation in which I go back and time and tell my former self that the guy I like, in that time, and I are, in the future, just friends and I’m very happy with it) and been like, “REALLY? But he’s so great!!!” and myself now would be like “Yes he is, but he’s even better as a friend, and you two are gonna be amazing as friends”, and me of the past would be like “But I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I don’t even know how to be friends with him”, and later me would be like “First of all sista, that is infatuation, which you know”, and old me would nod in acknowledgement of the fact that I had very much exaggerated my feelings, and then current me would go on “Exactly, and as I was saying, that desire to possess that object of your affections has passed. Well, I mean, it also shifted around to a couple other individuals, but also, mainly, it left him and you can finally just appreciate him for him and not want to be near to him in that way.” Past me would listen attentively, and current me would go on, “Now you’re actually FRIENDS friends. Like, there’s none of that awkward, OHMYGOSH I LOVE HIM stuff happening, and it’s not like, OHMYGOSH, WHY ISN’T HE TALKING TO ME RIGHT NOW! every five seconds or week or weekend or whenever, it’s like: He actually cares, but not in that way, and you care too, but not in that way, and you can actually function like a normal human being around him and both of you mutually benefit.”
And the me from a year and a half ago would stare at current me in an awestruck way and be like, “Really?” and I’d say, “Really.” And past me would look at current me with a face of happy anticipation and smile and say, “I can’t wait.”
And BOOM, it’s back to current me, and I don’t have to.
We are friends, and I am happy, and I love having people to actually love.