Heh, I just wrote my first post in nearly two weeks and I already feel better about everything I’ve been stressing about since then… Which would be, school and my relationships and my future…
I mean, maybe I shouldn’t be posting another post five seconds after that last one, but…I feel better than I have for a while, and it seemed to have started just about as soon as I clicked the “publish draft” button on that last post.
See, I’ve been so stressed about what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and the fact that I am studying how to be a teacher and I don’t even know if I want to be one, and wondering if I just don’t like my classes, or what the classes are about, and I’ve been talking to all my family about it, and the random guy friend and classmates, and I still don’t know what to do about school or life in general, and then of course, being the mountain out of molehill builder that I am, I wondered if I’d ever find anything I’d be happy at or if I’d just have to get a job and do it and be miserable forever and ever…and then I posted in my blog….and I feel better.
Like it will be okay.
Like maybe this semester will be better. Like, worst case scenario, I can struggle through this semester and use my credits to transfer to a different program, and figure out something else, but just keep blogging no matter what, keep writing something somewhere no matter what…Keep writing. Or maybe I’ll find out that while it may seem really hard, and is a bit challenging, I can actually do the teaching thing, and I might actually enjoy it. Maybe I’m good at it…Maybe…
I don’t know quite what to do with my life, but I know that writing about it helps. Blogging about it helps. Just like the singing songs about my surgery and failed romances helps.
Just getting the words out helps.
It doesn’t always help saying them directly to family or friends, or the people who broke your heart by never calling you on the phone when you gave them your number (yeaaa, okay, that was the topic of my first unrequited love song), because they don’t always know how to respond or you don’t want a response, (or you actually can’t talk to them)….But just saying the words, for your sake at least, it helps.
It helps me.
And so this gets posted fifteen minutes after my last post, because I like writing and it made me feel better and now I need to press the publish button again to save the positive feelings forever.