Monthly Archives: December 2014

On the eve of Christmas Eve.

I don’t like the new wordpress layout. I have to click on more stuff to get places. Another blogger pointed this out in a post weeks ago, and I’ve finally decided that I agree with him.

Also, I’m cold.

Plus I have to wrap a bajillion Christmas presents.

I think this is the most I have spent on Christmas presents in…forever.

I went shopping with my cousin, and then my sister, and then my brother, and then combinations of my sister and my brother, and it’s like, every time I decided I was done shopping, they would drag me to another store.

I don’t know what happened, but some of my relatives are going to be making out like bandits this year…Well, if having loads of random organic candy and food is making out like a bandit…a health nut bandit?

Also, I found my list to St. Nicholas that I wrote last week when I wasn’t studying for finals, crumpled up under my door, after apparently falling off my bookshelf. Mainly, I asked for physical healing and guidance, and I might have also asked for a day at the spa and a boyfriend. I figured I’d throw in some crazy things and see what happened. I mean, I don’t know how much I want a boyfriend, and that is a fairly crazy thing to ask St. Nick for, but, I mean, as long as he’s helping people get wishes fulfilled, I don’t mind if he looks into that for me.

Oh, and I say St. Nick/St. Nicholas because that’s who Santa Claus is to me, and I totally ask saints to help me out all the time, say a prayer for me, help me focus on God more, help me find a Christmas present for someone else, help me imitate them in their desire to be like Christ, and so, yeah, I wrote a letter to St. Nicholas.

We’ll see what happens.

Merry Almost Christmas!!!

šŸ™‚

-cdukulele

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So far, so good.

I have one last final tomorrow, and then my first semester of Grad school is over…I’ve just about survived it.

I’ve gotten some results for my classes, and right now everything looks good, like, I actually was a good student and will probably have all the grades I need to keep going with this Grad school thing.

I started this semester in tears and completely unsure about myself, and fairly certain that this would be the worst semester of my life and horrible things would happen and I would fail.

I haven’t.

1 test left.

-cdukulele

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Not

I am just gonna watch Netflix.

I was about to make a dramatic post about pathetic loneliness and wishes for the perfect person to come into my life, but wishing doesn’t make things come true.

It’s nice to know that I want things again though.

At a certain point in my life I was just happy to be alive.

Now I’m discontent and want more.

Great.

The best part is I don’t even know what I want. Half the time I just want to live in my own little apartment and sip tea and never be bugged by anyone and just play ukulele and read books….and then the other half I want to go sing for people and talk to people and see them and hear them and fall in love with the perfect guy who really isn’t perfect but actually is trying and actually cares enough to talk to me and be with me and doesn’t care about how ridiculously flawed I am in every way that the world cares about. Who appreciates me.

Anyway.

I’m going to go watch Netflix…because if I go to sleep now I will wake up early and have to do school work, and if I go to sleep late I’ll wake up early and have to do school work…So why not… waste my time?

My precious time given by God for me to glorify his name by being the best version of myself possible…and I am going to watch Netflix. Watch Netflix and be amazing tomorrow?

Those are how thoughts progress in my head. Random scatterings of thoughts.

Or maybe I’ll sleep. I’ll see.

Goodnight, I need to chill.

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St. Lucy

I just have five days left. Five days until the semester is over. Five days and then I’ll find out how the semester really went. Well, after the professors put the grades through, then I’ll find out how the semester went…

I don’t wanna work anymore.

Man, I’ve had at least a visitor a day on this site for the past 9 days.

I’ve also posted pretty frequently I guess.

Thank you for visiting me.

I have to think about school again.

School school…

Grrr…finals are polluting my holiday season again.

I really don’t have much to say.

I’d rant about a guy that I can’t stop thinking about, but I stop thinking about him every time I think of everything I need to do for school, so it isn’t much of a rant.

I’m just…soooo unfortunately focused.

Maybe some guy will ask me out on a date again this January…that’d be exciting….And that is my very pathetic life. Thinking about potentially going on another date with a random person. Wooh. A date a year. At that rate, I’ll be married by…who needs to be married! Psh, the single life is the life for me! I’ll write my papers and sing my songs and go be a depressingly single professor who owns two cats and a netflix subscription.

That’s the life.

But first, I have to get through these next five days. I don’t want to. I wanna obsess about crushes instead.

Darn this, “pretending to be a grown up” life.

Okay. I’m all pointlessly ranted out. My heart was barely in it. I’m still mostly thinking about the school thing.

-cdukulele

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Little thought

I like singing with people. I definitely sing better than I play ukulele…But finding people to sing with is more difficult than writing songs on ukulele.

Also, I like friends. I like having friends.

For example, I took a Grammar final today, but I took it with my professor’s 3 o’clock class instead of my class, and once I walked in I heard voices saying “CATHERINE!!!” and a chorus of hellos…I recognized four of the people from my other English class, but there were also people I didn’t even know I knew saying hi to me. It felt nice. I like being liked and acknowledged. It was a good moment. It was also a surprising moment…I didn’t know people were so friendly…I mean, I went to one of the friendliest schools for undergrad, and I don’t remember groups of people cheerfully shouting my name when they saw me enter a classroom…

Anyway, it was a good moment, and I’m pretty sure I aced that final…I think…

Well, I have to go munch on some food and do something useful and not start stalking any musicians I know on facebook now.

Goodnight. šŸ™‚

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Living Vicariously Through You

That’s my new motto.

Anyway, today one of my classmates said “IĀ love you, I’m gonna miss you”, to which I thoughtfully shot back, “I’m not dead.”

Thirty seconds later the thoughtfulness of her remark hit me.

It’s nice to be appreciated.

I’m going to miss her too. Several of my classmates, really. …and I will probably never see that small handful of them again because I’m a grad student, and GOODBYE PRE-REQUISITES! Hello real grad school…Well, hanging out with the little kids was fun while it lasted. Like being a big sister. 20 year olds are cute, they laugh at my jokes and are generally impressed by my intelligence. …Actually, it’s a state school, so some of them were older than me…But the way in which they flocked toward my knowledge and kept asking me grammar questions like I knew what I was doing, I’ll miss that.

The other graduate students tend to actually do all of their work and understand things better than me most of the time, so I’m about to go back to being a little fish. A little fish in ocean of people who have already taught in other countries or been lawyers for the past twenty years. They all seem to permeate knowledge and confidence…or at least a lack of vulnerability, some sense of resolve. Something.

Well, that’s all for today. Oh, and the title, the motto, that’s just because I have no life outside of grammar right now, and I just read random blogs where people actually hang out with people, and that was my first thought in response…which is confusing as a title, but I don’t care.

Peace.

-cdukulele

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Humility

I’m good enough.

Just that.

That’s all I need to be. Good enough for me. That’s all.

So what if she’s gorgeous and sings like an angel and can arrange symphonies that sound like God himself gave her a hand, and he probably did…

I don’t need to be amazing. I don’t need to be beautiful. I don’t need to wow thousands with me.

I just need to be me and live the best life I can and do what I can with the gifts God gave me.

Which don’t currently include the- Ohmygosh- Sorry, this is so much harder to write as I listen to her, this next verse is amazing. Seriously. She is loveable.

Anyway. Now I have a role model.

Meanwhile, I’ll just keep doing what I can do.

I feel sick. I think I’m going to go to sleep. I can do that.

Sleep and make the bags under my eyes disappear and dream of figuring out what I need to do and having the strength to do it…

Night night.

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