I slept in today. I sleep in everyday, but today it was with the knowledge that I could take things slowly. I had all of Saturday for me, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody to interact with, the day was mine to do what I wanted to, to do what I needed to do, so I started with sleeping.
Fully rested, I picked up the last Harry Potter book I’ve been reading, and I leisurely read a chapter or two. I wasted some time scrolling facebook on my phone, and finally, pulled from my leisure by achiness and hunger, I got out of bed ready to really start my day.
I was going to start with physical therapy, but my sides were sore from my impromptu hula dancing in the bathroom while I brushed my teeth the night before. ( I discovered that attempting to hula stretched the nerve pained muscles in my legs, and I figured that using those muscles couldn’t hurt, and maybe muscle pain would replace nerve pain. Muscle pain is better than nerve pain, because 1.It goes away, and 2. It’s a sign that you actually worked some muscle.) So, instead of going straight to the physical therapy that I desperately need to do because my toe is starting to go oddly numb again, I decided to eat some breakfast so that I could take painkillers and warm up before doing physical therapy.
This was a good choice. Breakfast with tea is always a good choice. Or coffee….I’m forever craving coffee. Mmmmm.
Anyway, breakfast and three Ibuprofen later, I was feeling almost content with life, but full…so full. Plus, I needed to get my body moving before I could go do my physical therapy, which is painful when I just wake up, so, I decided to tidy up the house.
Cleaning makes me feel a little better, like I have control over my environment. So, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, washed a pot and the pan from breakfast, and finally decided it was time to do my exercises. (I would have done more, but there’s a limit to the amount of joy cleaning brings me…)
My exercises involve two minutes of curl ups, three minutes of leg lift things, and two and a half minutes of planks. And yes, it took me two hours to physically and mentally prepare for the seven minutes of exercises. It sounds much more pathetic when I write it like that….BUT, in my defense, …I used to be unable to do even less than that…Planks are hard! And I’ve never been able to do a real sit up my entire life. Half way through the curl ups my head generally starts aching, then I get worried that my vertebrae are gonna break again…BUT I DID MY EXERCISES.
And then I did my wall push ups.
And then I went on the exercise bike for thirty minutes while watching Gilmore Girls on my phone.
So, three hours after I woke up, I was finally done with my exercises, I took my shower, and then I actually felt content enough and mentally prepared to start my paper that is due tomorrow night.
I reviewed the assignment, assembled pieces of the former related assignments, and worked on it for a good half hour, slowly growing more confident.
Then I decided to take a break.
Last night I was miserable and overwhelmed and lonely and desperate and hopeless and stressed, and now, since I stopped caring about everything except for doing what I absolutely needed to do, in the time and fashion I wanted to do it, I am a little bit okay.
I might need more tea.
So, this is just a reminder that sometimes, you need tea. And food. And painkillers. And to just chill and not rush about things, but get to them when you are able to get to them. Because doing my exercises after three hours of wandering around the house in my pajamas is better than not doing them at all, and at least starting my paper on Saturday afternoon is better than not looking at it until Sunday.
I’m not perfect, and I do a far worse job than a lot of people when it comes to simply handling life and activities like, stretching and doing a paper, and not just watching episodes of Dr. Who on Amazon prime until dawn, but…I am trying. I will get better. I am getting better. Today was better. Not perfect, but better than certain days.
It will be okay.
I will keep getting better.Right now I’m not concerned about certain individuals or relationships or loneliness at all…I’m just…content…alive…doing what I need to do, and being okay…and I’m hoping it stays that way and that I just keep getting better and do what I need to do.