Should have seen this coming.

I want to be a better person.

I need to be a better person.

Seeing happy couples makes my heart choke a little sometimes.

Seeing him makes me choke a little.

It shouldn’t.

There’s no fathomable reason why it should.

There’s no reason why I should like him.

Why do friendships bring me so much pain? Why does it take me so long to get past jealousy to happy for them level?

To get past crushing to friendship?

Crushing hurts so much.

It didn’t even, this option was not even foreseeable three months ago.

These are the hearts that I never cared about, and somehow, with time and music, my heart’s become wrapped around them.

This is why I fear friendships.

Because, ultimately, I fall.

Ultimately, I trip.

Ultimately, I get so absorbed in the attention, that I forget it’s not for me, it is simply them. The way they are.

The way they are that pulls at my heart and makes it wish I could be with him.

Life was going so well before I wanted what I couldn’t have.

Life was going so well before this heart wanted him.

For that brief moment between crushes, it was going so well.

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5 Comments

Filed under Cdukulele's love life.

5 responses to “Should have seen this coming.

  1. im 37 and have come to the conclusion that i can have male friends, coz i do also eventually fall for them or put something more into it than it really is…sometimes i feel so unormal that cant have a guy friend.. but some of us are maybe just made that way?!

  2. that i cant have..sorry!

    • Oh, I can definitely have guy friends, I have a LOT of guy friends. It just happens that the people I get along best with, and who’s company I enjoy the most, are the ones I end up falling for. I have guy friends. They tell me about their girl troubles. The guys I fall for are the ones that I want to spend more time with, but who’d rather spend their time with other people… Unless you mean having a specific best guy friend, because no, I don’t have that. Just lots of friends. Who are guys. Argh. — I mean…I think we are able to have guy friends…It just takes time. And them talking about their girlfriends. So that you get over them. And then some of them you will still just be stupidly attracted to. But that’s okay. Because…That’s just the way human beings are. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than that they are incredibly handsome and their existence in this world brings you joy, and you can just be their friend. Because we are human beings with brains and the power to control our emotions and whatnot, so we can simply admire and then do the most loving thing, which is to support them in their relationships and happiness, as best as we can. Of course, that being said, it doesn’t mean that hanging out alone with this guy friend that you’re attracted to, but who doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, ALL THE TIME, is a good idea, because that can confuse people. In fact, hanging out alone with guys is generally a bad idea. For large quantities of time. Not in public. Because then you get CRAZY thoughts. Like, I wonder what it’d be like to hold his hands. See, CRAZY! Then again, what is this supposed “guy friend” doing hanging out with you alone all the time, and sharing his deepest thoughts, and giving you hugs every times he sees you, and telling you things like he appreciates you and stuff???HUH????HUH???
      I mean, seriously. Deep serious talks can lead to developing feelings.
      ANYWAY….Um. I do believe it is possible to have guy friends.
      Just not to the same caliber that I have friends who are girls.
      Because I never think girls are secretly plotting ways to make my heart break. Not that guys are. Does this suspicion counter whatever I said about having guy friends? What did you mean by friend?
      Aye. I gotta sleep. Thanks for sharing Maria 🙂

    • Also, I guessed what ya meant in the typo 🙂
      And I apologize for the essay comment. 🙂

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