Monthly Archives: October 2014

The watered-down-version of my life recently.

1. I’ve ended all contact with a recent friend of the last couple months because he sent me a creepy text.

2. I don’t wannnnnanannananananan do homework, and I’ve realized that the more “grown up” I become, the less I want to do actual work.

3. I created an event page for a show that I’m gonna be in, because an event didn’t exist for it yet, and now I’m only slightly concerned that the rest of the artists will yell at me for some reason. I think I scare easily.

4. I’m soooo getting over that one guy that I was in love with who is totally now dating this one girl and who I see all the time with her, and who I am forced to be friendly with because I love him. He still gives me hugs. He is awesome. Oh the pain.

5. I am also so over that last first person that I was in love with, who I wound up chilling with the other day, and I found out that he is working on a music project with the other person that I am also not in love with anymore, and all the people I’m in love with are colliding. Friendship spheres are mixing! PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE!!

6. A young man sent me a message after my show calling me weird, but in a good way.

7. These are confusing sentences, but every time I tried to make them less vague I would go into full post length discussions of them, and then I would fear that I really said too much, so now I’m just giving you a superficial run down of what’s been going on in my life recently.

Mainly: I don’t have any more new crushes, I’m just actually becoming friends with ex-crushes, and the song stuff I do seems to be going okay, and I like to pretend school doesn’t exist.

The end.

Love you.

Goodbye.

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Filed under Cdukulele's life.

Unnerved…

A drunk guy from a random band tried to get me to call him because he was going to set me up with his agent….I looked him up online, and was kinda unnerved by the whole thing, and I couldn’t find him. So then I talked to the bartender and found out that this man had been in the last couple days and just drank and was all talk, and she said I shouldn’t talk to him. In fact, they had just kicked him out of the bar.

….I might have lost a big life opportunity. He called me the next day, because I gave him my business card with a google account number on it, and left me a message about how I didn’t answer my phone but his agent was lined up and he could’ve made my dreams come true…

HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT MY DREAMS ARE???

OKAY?

Can he get me to heaven? I think not.

Sooo……Hopefully if he’s legit and really liked my music, that’ll mean that if I keep playing places, a non-drunk legit person will also like my music and talk to me and not seem creepy.

I’m not judging on creepiness alone. It’s creepiness+drunkness+finding no support for his claims of being in a particular band+he got kicked out of a bar.

I feel like those are good reasons to avoid communication. Definitely.  And if I’ve just given up on success because I didn’t want to deal with unnerving drunk people, then I think that I can do that. God has plans, and I’m pretty sure they don’t include drunk old men with elaborate promises and unverifiable claims…

Anyway…That was one rare experience I’ve had since I’ve started singing places. Mostly, people are nice and not drunk. I think. Maybe they just hide it well. I dunno.

Later readers.

-me

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Filed under Cdukulele's life.

NO MORE!

I deleted the other online dating account too! Right after I stalked the profile of someone who viewed my profile.

It’s all so creepy. I mean, maybe it’s not creepy for most people, but it just encourages my more stalkerish tendencies.

I mean, I already write love songs about guys, I don’t have to learn everything I know about them on the internet too…

Also, I think I have a tendency to over share with people when I write things.

When I speak I keep my words to a minimum. I don’t like talking. I sometimes trip over words. I talk really fast. I don’t say a lot. I think about what I say for long periods before I say it, and often I think about saying something for so long that sometimes I think I’ve said something aloud that I’ve only thought over in my mind again and again. I’m strange.

With writing, however, I say one thing, and then I figure I can say something else, and I kind of just…don’t stop.

But this is mostly just the case around new people and guys I have crushes on. I don’t talk to you in person, and then I chat up a storm on the internet.

I’m a nerd.

So, I deleted every online dating account. All two of them. Gone forever. Except I can reactivate them or create new ones with the click of a button and a cleverly worded introduction. But I’m not. NO. Totally not happening.

I will maintain control…and I will talk to people in person. Work on my people skills. Work on talking to the guys I like in person.

It will happen.

And someday…in the future…I will write a post, and it will contain something sane and happy about a relationship, and the relationship will consist of more than my hopes and dreams and will include a guy who I actually like who actually likes me, and some note about us spending quality time together and not solely communicating via technology…That may sound like a lot of qualifiers, but it WILL HAPPEN! Someday.

-cdukulele

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Filed under Cdukulele's love life.

The new story

I re-activated my online dating account. I had to stalk some people on there, okay? I had to.

Online dating is evil. EVIL.

Of course, my luck with real life dating is nonexistent.

I went on a date once.

Mainly I have lots of friends.

Friends are better than smothering people who say they like you but never actually find the time to meet you, right?

Yes…yes they are.

So I de-activated my account. But I may have also invented a new dating account before I reactivated my old one, and that one may still be up and running. With no pictures. Just a bitter little intro about how I’m procrastinating from working on a school assignment and I like guitars.

I’m procrastinating on the school assignment a lot. It’s stressing me out. I’m turning a pretty simple project phase into a week of misery over it. It’s only 5 points out of my hundred for the project…and I already have 13 of my points…At this point, if I get all of my points for the rest of the project, I’ll get a 98. That’s comforting. So, if I totally bomb this project, I’ll can still pull a 93. Isn’t it comforting to think about the lowest possible grade you can receive in something? Actually, the lowest I could get right now would be a 13%…But that’s if I stopped doing work for the rest of the semester…WHICH I WON’T DO…Probably. I mean. Definitely.

So, I reactivated my dating account because I didn’t want to do homework. I’m trying to solve my life problems by finding a boyfriend. Yeah, that’s healthy.

I need to do this project. And not try to find a future husband to solve all my problems. Because spouses don’t solve problems. They just make your life happier. And hang out with you on Valentine’s day. And probably would go with you to open mic nights. And would also hug you when you don’t want to go to school.

Stupid non-existent spouses. Making everyone’s lives better but mine.

I need to go to sleep, I love you.

I have no one else to say it to, so I’m saying it to you, I LOVE YOU!

That’s a lie, I have loads of people to say that to. I scroll down my facebook newsfeed and want to say it to at least two people on a regular basis, and could say it to ninety percent of my friends without being very concerned about what they’d think about me anyway.

But I don’t have many people to say, “I LOVE YOU and your life brings me joy and I want to go out with you” to. Not that I’m saying it to you, I just so want to say it to certain individuals in that way, that I’m letting out part of the tension by merely typing out those words to a non-specific audience of blog readers and just pretending that somehow the ones I want to say it to get the message.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE THEM.

I LOVE.

I’m really just infatuated. But, yeah.

Dern infatuation.

Fueling my procrastination.

I need sleep now.

Night/I’matrytoworkonthisPROJECT!

-cdukulele

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I don’t miss

Online dating,
waiting, hating
watching, stalking
reading, blocking.

I don’t miss
painful discoveries,
more “him not loving me”s,
Agonizingly hoping,
stupidly moping.

I don’t miss
being alone,
always at home,
trying to find a why,
and every failing try.

I don’t miss that.

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Filed under All Poetry

Ukuleles rule.

…they really do, but that title was deceptive because this post is only superficially about ukuleles. I suppose a blog by someone called “cdukulele” should involve more specific mentioning of ukuleles, but…eh.

ANYWAY!

I saw the five-years-younger-than-me musician again! You might know him as Josh. Or you might not know him at all. Or, if you really do know him, then you would know him by a name that is actually not Josh at all (or would you…), and then you would tell him that some crazy girl is talking about him and every detail of her life on a blog. Ha. …Please don’t.

There aren’t any details anyway. I just saw him. He was cool. Chillin. Listened to my songs. Briefly complained that I wasn’t at the last two open mic nights that he was at. I responded with how he wasn’t at the last one I was at. Good times. Then we both went our separate ways with the vague notion that we’d both be at the next open mic night again…Vague notion, promise, threat, something like that.

Also, I got five hours of sleep last night. I am tired.
So, I’m going to go to sleep, and hopefully I’ll wake up and do everything I need to do, including my massive homework assignment that is due in four days, but I have to finish in two because I am busy. (Music stuff. Life stuff. A desire to not ever do homework again resulting in an irrational hope that doing it all on Friday night will save me from future misery.)

Well, night, sleep tight, don’t let the man-eating piranhas bite.

-cdukulele

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My night

Went to Open Mic.

Saw my crush with another girl.

Failed halfway through a new song.

Could barely hear myself over the alcohol-consuming-people while I was on stage.

Got home.

Ate fast food.

Watched youtube videos for an hour and a half.

My life…

Now I need to do my stretches and shower and go to sleep before anyone notices I’m staying up really late wasting time.

On the plus side, I made cookies earlier today and I have crushes on so many people that I’m sure this latest heartache will be gone soon….just in time for someone else to start torturing me with their unattainable beauty and charm.

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Filed under Cdukulele's life., Cdukulele's love life.