I went to open mic night, and a guy sang some songs, and then I thought about how I definitely wanted to go talk to him, strike up a friendship, a kind conversation, not fall in love with him, but be his friend and have a cool guy to sing songs with.
I mean, he seemed like he was at my level. Like, I wasn’t intimidated by his awesome music skill, because, he was great, but he forgot the lyrics to a song he just wrote, so it made him seem approachable to me. Forgetting lyrics is something I do easily.
So I went up to sing my songs, a while after he sang his songs, and I brutally massacred my music, I’m pretty sure my uke was out of tune, and then I went and sat down and wondered about when I would have the courage to go talk to the guitarist who messed up, like me, earlier.
I glanced at him, he glanced at me and then he looked away. I looked away. I thought over my strategy. I will go speak to him once this artist finishes…Or maybe once open mic night ends…Or maybe if he gets up to go buy coffee or something, and I’ll just casually stroll over and tell him what a great job he did, and ask him if he wants to jam sometime…
I looked over at him again, he was staring at the floor.
I went back to watching the artist who was performing. I’ll talk to him later…before he leaves. I thought.
Suddenly I noticed something very strange in the corner of my eye. A tall figure was standing up and pulling over a chair right next to me, and sitting down as naturally as if though we had actually had one of the conversations that was running through my mind four minutes ago. He watched the guitarist performing, and then he turned toward me.
“That’s some pretty cool guitar playing.”
“Yes, it is, very talented.”
“Do you think he’s really out of it right now, or just pretending?”
“I don’t know, but he forgot my name earlier, so I think he’s probably…out of it.”
“Yeah…By the way, I’m Josh.”
The guitarist I had been contemplating talking to for the last five minutes was sitting next to me, and chatting with me, like a completely normal human being.
I don’t know what happened.
It got stranger. I introduced myself, my sister introduced herself, and her friend introduced herself (and soon left), and Josh talked to us all, in a genial, non-suspicious manner, contrary to many of my interactions with former musicians.
Then my sister started saying things, “Hey, I think you should know, I mean, I don’t mean to be strange or anything, but I really have to tell you, you are very attractive.” I shook my head and cast my eyes downward, casting disapproving looks at my sister, and surveying glances at Josh. “I mean, your face is like, perfectly symmetrical, and your eyes are beautiful, I mean, you are classically handsome. I mean, isn’t he?” she added, staring at me as she waited for my agreement “Uh…”
Luckily, Josh responded first, “Yeah, uh…actually, it’s okay, I get that a lot.” I stared at him in astonishment, “Really? People just go up to you and tell you you’re attractive?” I asked.
Josh responded, “Yeah…I mean, it doesn’t go to my head or anything.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
So, here is blue-eyed, blonde-haired, perfectly symmetrically faced guitarist-musician-model, who apparently knows how good he looks, sitting to my left, and my sister telling him he’s beautiful and asking me for my opinion on the issue on my right, and me between them pondering how I am ever going to have a normal friendship with anyone ever.
Oh Josh. We spent the next hour chatting about music and work and school and open mic nights, and being more or less normal. Then he somehow said that he thought I was older than my sister, and he found out how old my sister was and was astonished, and then he mentioned his age, and I’m five years older than him. Then he continued chatting with us until we all decided it was too late, and we walked to our cars.
I’ve concluded from this that I have to revise my theory that all musicians are super serious, mysterious, and brooding guys, apparently it doesn’t apply to teenagers.
Also, I am never going to wind up with a musician. They are either super serious, brooding artists, or completely friendly and attractive guys who are too young for me.
Also, sometimes when you’re staring at someone and thinking about talking to them, they’re thinking about the exact same thing.
The last point is my favorite. Maybe I’ll dwell on that for a while instead of on how I’m super old and will be alone forever.