Monthly Archives: August 2014

In the general time period that I refer to as “Now”.

An update.

School related: I start grad school on Tuesday. I took a full year off, doing very little, and miserably trying to figure out what I was doing with my life, and now I have classes to look forward to. I’m getting an M.A. in Tesol. Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages. Two years from now I’ll be…frantically trying to figure out where I’m going to work? Or maybe I’ll just be contentedly preparing for a semester of teaching at a local college. Or maybe I’ll still be in grad school because my program took longer than I anticipated…Or, maybe….I’ll be sipping tropical beverages on a beach with my attractive and wealthy Catholic husband.

So many possibilities…

Work related: I’m on a break from work until the school semester ends, so I am FREE! Except I might also wind up tutoring people at my university for experience. Plus I’m volunteering in my Dad’s classroom…So I might end up working more than before, but paying for it instead of being paid…

Life related: Whoever I was talking about last time I was talking about whoever I was talking about, is no longer important. I have grown out of my boy-craziness. I now have more important things to focus on, like my graduate level classes. My love poems and depressing rants are a thing of the past! School is about to begin, and I will be a focused and dedicated student! I might even actually make friends…and not fall in love with them. I’m sure that if the really attractive tall guy who wants to teach English in Germany after he graduates from the graduate program, talks to me, I will totally think of him in a completely platonic way, and not read into the fact that he is even speaking to me in the first place.

Other: I’m still playing ukulele. I don’t know when I’ll have time for open mic nights, now that I have classes that end just before the open mics begin, but I’m still playing ukulele. Sometimes. I might have to find more places to play music. I’ll also have to find ways of getting there. I’ll also have to get a license. Yay. To drive a car. Because I failed…that first test I took…

 

Well. That’s my life. Randomly. Intermittently. In scattered details.
Oh my it’s hot.

This summer heat.

MAN.

Okay, peace out dear reader.

-Cdukulele

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m back

I know, you can hardly contain your excitement.

Middle of Nowhere America was lovely…it was also cold.

BUT I AM BACK NOW!

Back in the sweltering heat of my non air-conditioned home…in the lovely late August weather…that requires tank tops and shorts.

Things I realized on my trip:

1. I am boy crazy.

2. Sometimes what you really need in life is two weeks completely separated from the internet and cell phone towers, with no communication to the outside world, and a hundred books to read.

3. Grad school will be good. (Okay, this is technically something that I figured out yesterday, whilst sipping a blended coffee beverage in a coffee shop on campus.)

 

…I also realized other stuff, but this post has been two days in the making, mostly because I keep getting too tired to write it and stop after a couple sentences, so I’m just going to end that there.

Cha.

 

See you when I see you.

Invisible peeps.

– Catherine

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POSITIVES OF TRAVEL

I cannot leave on my trip with that negative post looming over me. Time to list positives.

 

1. I get to see one of my best friends for the first time in over a year.

2. I have half of a good book to finish on the flight, and I will not be interrupted.

3. My plane ticket was practically free, since I used a travel voucher, so I can spend as much money as I want on whatever I want…in the airport…after which I’m going to be in the middle of nowhere America and I will have no need to spend money, nor a place to spend it on.

4. I have an ipod of music downloaded from cds with the sweet voices of men I have crushes on and have met in person.

5. I have aisle seats in the back of the plane. I can stand up and stretch with some frequency, and only be stared at by a half dozen of my fellow travelers…

OKAY! I MUST GO! I LEAVE IN 10!

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Already feeling homesick…

I haven’t even left the house yet.

I do not know why I feel this way.

Perhaps it’s because I really hate airplane flights?

Well, I mean, I kind of dislike all traveling in general, but right at this moment, I really don’t want to leave.

I’m downloading songs on my Ipod, hoping that will give me some connection to home.

I don’t even know what I’m missing or think I’ll be missing.

Life?

Missing whatever is going to be happening here, without me?

It’s only two little weeks. What is wrong with me…?

 

It’s fear of the flight. That’s what it is. I don’t want to be on the airplane alone, with my pain.

The pathetic pain that’s always there but does really nothing at all, unless I’m stuck on an airplane by myself, sitting upright, and forced to think about it.

So I’m bringing Ibuprofen and music, a book and something soft to roll up and put behind my back, and some medication from post surgery that hasn’t expired yet…

The shuttle picks me up in 27 minutes.

Then I have to deal with the pain…and the sleep deprivation (I really tried to sleep).

I just really hope that I can ignore it.

Because I really have to see my friend.

I can’t stay here.

I don’t want to leave.

 

But I’m going to.

 

The pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change…I hope.

 

 

– Catherine

 

Goodnight. Good morning. Goodbye. In this somber mood I’m going to go get ready and head to the airport. If my Mother was here she’d tell me that I’m so gloomy because I need to sleep, and everything will be better in the morning.

She’d be half right, but I always get annoyed when I’m told that my feelings are merely a result of sleep deprivation…and it’s too late for me to sleep now anyway.

 

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Just a few more words before I sneak off…

I’m going on a lovely trip to visit my best friend from college. I leave Tuesday, and I’ll be gone two weeks.

SHE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS BLOG. Neither does anyone (“anyone” not exactly meaning “anyone”, as many individuals are aware of its existence, but I’m happy living in my imaginary world in which they don’t really know, and will never truly become interested in this blog’s existence or what the author is up to…ANYWAY-). Also, I’m not bringing a laptop.

So there will be silence. For two weeks.

On the other hand, I’ll be out of the state, and since this blog has basically devolved into a messy account of the relationships I trip around, and the guys that would be in them, there will be nothing to write about for two weeks anyway. Because they don’t have guys where she lives.

Ha ha ha. Just kidding.

But seriously, it’s a break from my random little romance thoughts, and from my random little thoughts about me thoughts, and I’m going to take it.

So, I will write you again when I return, or before I leave, and I hope that you have a lovely week. Or several weeks.

Goodnight.

– Cdukulele

 

P.S. On a totally unrelated note, please say prayers for a friend of mine whose dad has cancer. I just wanted to ask you all to pray for him, if you pray, because then at least maybe my silly blog about my crushes and not crushes will help someone. Not that it doesn’t, but it’d be nice if it helped one of my crushes for a change, instead of feeding my own desire for attention and love and venting. I do believe that there is a power greater than ourselves that can and does help us, especially when we ask, and I call him God. If you share this belief, I appreciate your sharing some of your prayers with me. Thank you.

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What I should say to him.

I don’t like you.

You make me think too much about you, even when we’re not communicating, especially when we’re not communicating, and I don’t like it.

It makes it difficult to find ways to not think about you.

I don’t know if not talking to you makes not thinking about you easier, or harder.

Logically, it should make it easier: “Out of sight, out of mind”.

Then again, they do say that “distance makes the heart grow fonder”.

 

Plus, I don’t even know if I want to like you.

After so much distance, it might be easier to just forget.

But I still hope…I still check my phone. I write songs and then pathetically try to make my life revolve around something else, anything else, beside you.

 

 

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What’s with this boy?

“Hey, Catherine…”

“Yes? “

“I have some questions for you.”

“…Okay?”

“But…I feel like they are for another time…But I just want you to know that I have questions…and I’m thinking about you.”

“Alright…”

“…Can we talk a little later?”

“Yes, anytime between now and eight, because I have to be somewhere at eight.”

“…Are you going on a date?”

“No, I’m going to a concert with some of my friends.”

“You’re going on a date.”

“No, I’m going with my cousin to see my friends perform in a concert.”

“Oh.”

Then the conversation was over.

And now, I wait.

Sometimes I feel like people enjoy leaving me in suspense.

P.S. The boy referred to in the title is really a man, who I’ve been chatting to rather friendly-like for the last several days.

 

We’ll see what this is all about later. I’ll let you know. Maybe it will be completely boring and non interesting to anyone at all. Maybe.

-CDUKULELE

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