That illusive thing called “Happiness”.

Well, yesterday I was pretty down because…you know…I was waiting for a call…Wishing a certain someone would talk to me, and wishing my happiness wasn’t so stupidly dependent on how other people treated me.

So I stayed up until 3am drawing cynical cartoons in which the main character locked up her heart in a box and refused to ever love again. It was a cartoon heart, so it wasn’t too graphic.

Anyway, that was yesterday, well, earlier today really, and then at 10:40am my phone was ringing, and I totally expected it to be work calling to cancel more of my hours, or my brother-in-law to make sure someone was home to babysit, and surprisingly, it was neither.

It was that voice that my happiness has so stupidly become dependent upon. That most annoyingly delightful voice that makes whatever sadness of yesterday seem completely pointless.

I was suddenly happy again.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that something absolutely must be wrong with me, because I cannot be so sad when I am not with a certain someone, or when I think a certain someone no longer cares about me, and then be COMPLETELY FINE, once they’ve talked to me again.

I mean, I cannot let one individual influence my life so much. I’ve been letting this happen too much recently. Poem after poem, guy after guy, conversation after conversation, my life keeps revolving around how one person feels about me or talks to me, and I can’t let that happen. It’s not healthy. Right? Right.

So, I need to lock my heart up in a box…or at least live vicariously through my cartoon characters…but they still wind up with hearts anyway.

Being hopelessly hopeful is tough. :/



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