The dizziness returns.

I don’t like it.

I don’t want to walk around and feel like I’m on a boat every two months.

Oh Lord, please don’t let me have vertigo every two months.

Every never, would be preferred.

I’m a bit of a physical mess. (Plus the fiscal mess is still there… Sorry, the first word makes me think of the second.)

Going to Church gets especially painful. Something about sitting in a wooden Church pew for an hour makes my nerves hurt. Sometimes kneeling helps. Sometimes standing helps. Overall I return to the car in pain.

My Mom used to say that I needed to go back to the physical therapist.

I do.

I really do.

But on the other hand, they’ll just give me the exercises that I’ve been neglecting to do, and tell me to do them.

I was doing my exercises. Then my exercise bands broke. I think my room got too hot and made the plastic expand and restrict and then snap…I don’t know.

Sometimes the pain gets to you.

Even if it’s just that little pain.

Just a little pain every day can wear you down.

Even when you do the exercises. There’s always some pain. Always the need to take a couple ibuprofen.

Then you’re swallowing nine pills a day, when you do your pain dose plus your vitamins, and you’re sure there are more vitamins that you should be taking. So really you should be swallowing pills every hour. I’m on a rant. A horrible rant. Ignore my rant.

Friends help me forget the pain. Friends help me feel like I’m just like everyone else. Friends help me be happy.

I spent time with friends last week. John and Luke. You don’t know Luke, he’s a friend of John’s that I met a while back and have been jamming with from time to time.

Friday, Luke and I jammed and then went to John’s concert. John was happy to see us, he even gave me a hug. We spent the evening chatting together and making jokes and being friends. It was cool. I was friends with guys. I am friends with guys.

I’ve ranted.

I’ve ranted and now I must go to Church.

Please pray for me. I need to do exercises and need all my dizziness and pain to go away. Or I need the strength to handle it. Based off the pain I’ve survived, I must be super strong…




– Catherine






Filed under Cdukulele's life.

2 responses to “The dizziness returns.

  1. I know what you mean about the church pews hurting. I mean, can’t they use cushions or something? The last time I went I carried my own cushion…a little embarrassing, but it did the job. You might want to try it.

    • Exactly! Yes, I think one of my issues is neck support though, I mean, my neck doesn’t usually hurt, but for some reason being able to lean against a wall or something helps with pain overall. Or maybe it does hurt, and I just don’t exactly know where the pain is coming from anymore. At any rate, I’ve started sitting in the side chapel, where they have cushioned chairs right next to the wall. It’s a bit harder to hear the priest’s homily, but I’m in less pain after Mass, so that’s good…I think.

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