It’s been a good night.
Went to John’s concert.
Slowly became even more infatuated, and felt my cheeks burning and my heart just kept crumbling more with every song.
Not good at all really.
It’s hard to focus on being someone’s friend when they’re up on stage in front of you, five feet away, singing sweet, sweet, love songs.
Then you can only think about whether they could at all be thinking about you when they’re singing, and how they were staring at you for that half a second and they looked away as soon as you looked at them. Were they looking at you?
You wish they were looking at you. You’re pretty sure they were.
And you treasure that half a second of a stare, because for half a second he was focused on you. He cared about you. For half a second. Even if it was just half a second.
The rest of the night…Well…it was good.
I think he can’t decide what we are.
That makes me feel better…
Like, we sat on a couch together chatting, and, I mean, we were pretty close. Leaning on the same pillow so that we’d pretty much be sitting on each other’s elbows without it, close.
Friends can be close too, but not…that close.
Maybe…but he showed me his finger callouses from playing guitar. I mean, come on, excuse for a girl to touch your hands much? …No? Just weird?
Anyway, I like him, and I’m trying to be more normal about it, but he makes me want to scream it from a mountain top when he’s playing love songs and singing and being freakin’ attractive. Gosh.
He drove me home too. My parents were going to pick me up, but he offered…So yeah.
Halfway through his concert, the second after wanting to scream I loved him from a mountain top, I went back to realizing it was just friendship, at this point. And it hurt. And I got kind of mad. Because what kind of guy hangs out with you so much and talks to you so much and invites you to concerts, and then just wants to be your friend? How does he dare be so beautiful, talented, wonderful, and nice, and then just not be…not be yours?
I tried to think of scenarios wherein I was okay with this continued friendship. This continued, “I like him, and he hangs out with me, but I can’t hug him…or kiss him on the cheek,” friendship thing. All I could think of was just…being with him, a lot, and being able to talk to him more and see him more, and then maybe I could resist the urge to want to date him. To want him to just be with me; because I wouldn’t have to date him to just spend time with him, if he just spent time with me.
The spending time together thing is looking better though…I think. I mean… after tonight. He’ll probably still want to hang out with me. I think we bring each other mutual happiness.
That’s what happened tonight.
Plus meeting other musicians and people, and someone bringing up me actually playing music someplace myself.
It was a good night. Overall.
Goodnight. Thanks for reading.