Yesterday’s post

I’ve almost completed day two of normalness.

But I keep finding myself staring at my phone, wishing he’d initiate some form of communication, and almost telling him “I have a crush on you” again, before I realize that I already told him once and any more times in a two day period may be considered creepy.
I’m extremely afraid of appearing creepy.
Creepy is the worst.
I already appear anxious and overthinking. Overthink-like…. I already appear to be someone who is anxious and overthinks.
So, I don’t want to kill this friendship anymore.
Because..well….he technically said he didn’t know how he felt and was kind of in a limbo about it…
That means no, doesn’t it?
But then why’d he say he was okay with me calling him adorable and having a crush on him?
How can you be okay with that unless you like someone?
Maybe it’s a secret plot to torture me. To keep me in suspense. Keep me unhappy and emotional. I’m sure it is. Clearly.
The more emotional I am, the more I pour into my ukulele. My song writing. 
He just doesn’t know how he feels about this strange girl who plays ukulele and laughs at his jokes and says she has a crush on him.
Doesn’t want to cancel her out, but doesn’t know…
Can’t handle thinking about it yet.
Is that ever a good sign?
When you ask someone if they like you and their answer is, “I don’t know”?
Because every time I used that phrase, a guy’s heart wounded up broken and smashed in little pieces on the ground.
Not immediately, of course, because of their continued perseverance and the pity factor, but ultimately that “I don’t know ” became a definite “I do not.”
Does it ever turn out the other way?
I’d like to know.

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