It didn’t fit the moment.
I just said bye and thanked him and my little heart beat itself awkwardly out of his car.
Muttering the words “I like you…” as the door closed behind me and I began to walk toward my house.
The party was awkward, it was fun, it was the kind of thing that gave me hope. For my musical career, at least. They were all complete strangers to me, he knew Harry though, the guy who threw the party. I just met a mess of people. Then we sang for them.
He wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper I brought, and he played guitar and we both sang, harmonizing for our audience of fifteen. Then we played a song I wrote, me playing ukulele and singing, and him adding his beautiful guitar playing. Played some covers. Sang some songs. He sang and played one of his originals by himself, with me sitting next to him and humming. I sang and played an original.
The people were nice. Applauding, recording, smiling, laughing. Occasionally taking jello shots that John and I did not participate in.
One was a hair stylist, she asked if she could do my hair, and I let her. I came back with curls, looking different, and John was just sitting on the couch.
Then we left. I shared my music website with one of them, nodding heads on the couch around him agreed that they would be looking me up, and John and I left.
He drove me home.
I said goodbye.
He said he’d see me Thursday.
Every moment of the car ride to and from, and all our short conversations, were filled with me and him laughing and making little jokes. His face turning beet red, my voice unable to let out anything that wasn’t a high pitched whisper. Joy and happiness.
Five more days until that joy and happiness.
I can’t tell him I like him. He has to already know by now, and if he doesn’t…well, when he finds out, what could possibly happen?
“Okay…Uh, great. That’s cool. Thanks.”
I don’t think he’s even thinking about it. Just…here’s a girl who sings well. Sorta-well.
Who makes jokes.
I don’t even know what I want to happen.
He’s just a boy who sings well, and makes me happy.
Oh, and by the way, he asked me what I did today:
“Nothing much. Laundry. Updated my blog.”
“You have a blog?”
“Uh….no… I mean, yes.”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I know. I mean, I have two blogs. Just one is a secret blog. That I updated today, and…I didn’t update one that anyone is supposed to read and… so…..nevermind. Just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
That seriously happened. I have problems.
P.S. Happy 101st post. Yay. Here’s what was apparently the 100th post. Thanks for reading. Thanks for following. Thanks for existing. I’m exhausted. 😉