Monthly Archives: February 2014


Here’s a poem. It’s totally not about anyone or anything that I just said I wasn’t going to write a poem about. Definitely not a love poem. I’m just going to put it in that category though. For safekeeping.



I have kind of been waiting for that moment.

For that best friend moment.

For that two people happy together moment.

Just sitting and singing.

Completely content,

Artistically playing

Off the other’s talent.

It came.

And between laughs and jokes, friendly little inside jokes, we sang.

Thank you for that.

Thank you for singing with me.

For being with me.

For this friendship.

It rocks.






Leave a comment

Filed under Love Poems


Three hours of pure joy.

(Not work, hah, by no means am I talking about work, silly reader. In case you read my last post and were wondering.)

I’m talking about open mic night.

I’m talking about sitting with my ukulele next to my friend with his guitar, and jamming for three hours.

It was happiness.

It was basically everything that makes this life worthwhile and makes my little soul ecstatically fly with happiness.

IT WAS JOY. Joy through music and singing.

My sister was there talking about how happy I was and joining her fiancee in taunting me about how it was a date, and asking questions about when they were going to see my friend again, and totally trying to set us up.

I have no comment.

I was just happy. Okay? JUST HAPPY.

I just completely enjoyed sitting and singing and playing music. It was fun, and my friend is crazy talented with a guitar.

It made me bubble over with happiness.

Just. Happy.

Not even going to….Not even gonna…Not even thinking about my sister and her fiancee’s jokes and attempts to turn my perfectly healthy happy friendship into something else. Something more.

Something that I’d begin writing poems about and getting all emotional over, and then eventually end with a brief text saying “It’s too difficult to talk to you, I can’t anymore, goodbye.”

It’s not going to be that. Because right now I’m happy. So I’m just going to enjoy being happy.


Happy and unemployed.




P.S. Sorry if I misled you with my title, and made you think I was talking about YOU, when I wasn’t. You make me happy too. Thank you for reading and liking and following me. Your existence brings me joy. 🙂





Leave a comment

Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

Running circles around me.

I told you I got a job.

As of yesterday, I have officially resigned.

I made this decision Tuesday night, when I started sobbing in my bed. Something about pain and fear of breaking my neck again. Combined with everyone telling me that if I was in pain, I could quit. I didn’t want to quit, but I didn’t want to be in pain either, and I didn’t want anything horrible to happen as a result of that pain…like sprained neck muscles again…or a broken neck. The broken neck probably wasn’t very likely, but when your neck surprises you by breaking once for no reason, you don’t want to give it a reason.

All I was doing was sitting in a desk and filing bills…for four hours a day. But apparently I can’t sit for four hours a day without neck support…in an office chair…at a desk.

Which I already knew…but I was hoping.

So, realizing my defeat, I sobbed into my pillow until I could fall asleep, and Wednesday morning I told my boss.

He was very understanding. I worked for him over the summer, and I wound up spraining my neck and wearing a neck support (Yes…just from sitting in a desk for more than an hour a day, I’m special like that.), he knows that this was a trial run and I may have had to stop.

I had to stop.

Now I’m back to being unemployed. Pretty much. I have to finish the week…because there are only six hours left and I felt guilty. Guilt over-rode the pain. I can make it through two days. I just can’t do it for another week. Or month. Or season.

My sister proposed to me the idea of seeing a psychologist. I told her I was crying about work and pain and stuff, and she began explaining how sometimes in surgeries, the doctors accidentally mess up the part of the brain controlling emotions, and a person can completely change after the surgery. I think she was trying to be helpful. My mom later reminded me that my surgery did not involve touching my actual brain, just cutting away some neck and skull bone. My sister is studying to be a psychologist…and all my life she has called me sensitive and recently told me that her motto in life is “I don’t care”, referring to not caring about anything that happens to her…I think. I don’t talk to this sister much, but she’s the one who got me the job and who I told I was quitting before I did it, because she was at work and I was at work.

That’s my life.
I now have fifteen minutes to dry my hair and rush off to three hours of pain.







1 Comment

Filed under Cdukulele's life., Various writing

Social media is evil.

How obvious is it to you that I’m trying to get your attention?
Is it super obvious?
Or just kind of obvious?
I took it as a good sign that you liked my status update.
I updated it to see if you would like it.
You did.
Then you updated your status.
I liked it, and commented even.




Social media is evil. The word media reminds me of Genetics class, when we would breed flies. Hundreds of flies. They would mate, and we would kill all the flies that weren’t a part of the study, and count the offspring. You put media in with each batch of flies, to feed the larvae. Then they would grow up, and you would count them, and breed them, and kill them. Repeating the process however many times necessary and killing countless flies.

I eventually dropped my science major.





I’m not even talking to you, but finding creepy ways to try to communicate with you. I have problems. This is what happens. I need a hobby.

Oh yeah, I play the ukulele.

– cdukulele


[This is my mind after a day of work. It’s what I do, and what I consider post worthy. It’ll go in the random thoughts pile.]


Leave a comment

Filed under Various writing

Life is a happy song.

Tomorrow I’m going to work again. Supposedly.

Life is looking up.

Plus one of the guys from the coffee shop is going to jam with me on Thursday. Before open mic night. Just play some songs and sing together. I’m looking forward to it.

He and I were chatting online about it, and my sister and her fiance asked me what was up. I told them I was talking to a friend, and that he was the friend from the coffee shop they’d met.

They started singing “CATHERINE AND -(insert his name here)- SITTING IN A TREE! ‘K’ ‘I’ ‘S’ S’ ‘I’ N’ ‘G’ !”

I tried to admonish them for their immaturity, but it didn’t work because I kept accidentally laughing while yelling at them. I don’t think I convinced them that it was purely two artists getting together to work on their music.

He asked if we could chat the next day. Then I couldn’t completely convince myself that it was that it was purely two artists getting together to work on music. My cheeks started burning.

Whatever it is, it’s at least the start of friendship, and I like it.
– cdukulele

Leave a comment

Filed under Cdukulele's life.


You are drama and I need to decide I’m better off without you. Which is tough, because you seem to think that you’re better off with me. An outlet for your drama.

So I say to you, thanks, but no thanks. Please take your “love songs”, your protestations that we’re just friends, your compliments on my existence, and your obscure texts apologizing for things that you never mentioned in the first place, with you, as you embark on a journey in life I’d like to call “growing up”. As much as I’d like to remain your “friend”, and sit in this awkward little corner between reality and fantasy, in which I don’t understand how you keep saying you love everything about me, and then keep insisting that you’re acting as no more than a friend and tell me I’m over reacting, I cannot. I will not.

Goodbye, and thanks for confusing me.

I have finally figured it out.


Leave a comment

Filed under Various writing

There is no right way for me to say this…

A friend of mine posted a link to the following article on facebook: An Amazing Village Designed just for people with Dementia. Two of my grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer’s, so I was interested and clicked on the link. Then I started reading the article and thought about how cool it was. Then I got to “Hogeweyk, from a certain perspective, seems like a fortress: A solid podium of apartments and buildings, closed to the outside world with gates and security fences.” That is when it hit me.


The elderly people with dementia will outlast us all. Not to mention their wisdom and life experiences supporting them in the midst of it. Plus they’d totally have all sorts of necessary medicine and whatnot. With security fences and gates, and provisions and doctors. I’m going to Holland.

Just wanted to throw that out there.

Have a lovely day!


p.s. I don’t think we actually have to worry about this. Except in my dreams, where zombies keep showing up. It’s horrible. I blame television…and books….and myself.


Leave a comment

Filed under Various writing