I FAIL AT BEING RESOLVED TO DO SOMETHING!
I think I have a horrible memory. It makes the reasons why I stopped talking to someone and decided to just be friends with them instead of pursuing a relationship become less clear. In fact, they seem to disappear entirely, and then I’m suddenly agreeing to go out to tea. As “friends”. You know…. Like all those friends that go out to tea together? Because I totally do that ALL THE TIME. I am ALWAYS going places with guys and drinking tea with them and chatting away, being all “friend” friendly with a guy who, just a couple weeks before was telling me about his life plans for the future that involved marriage and children and a perfect woman not unlike me.
….But….maybe….Maybe it will be okay???… MAYBE? MAYBE HE WON’T PROPOSE TO ME OR ASK ME OUT ON A DATE OR SOMETHING?
Wait. Did he already do that? Am I going on a date without even realizing it?
I’m going on a date.
A fake friend date.
Yes. These are my problems. I’m going out to tea with a guy.
Why’s it a problem? I dunno. I think it has something to do with some of the random poems I wrote. The ones talking about heartbreak and misery. Yes, those ones.
Happy New Year.
p.s. There will probably be a poem about this in the future, full of lots of exciting words like “TERROR” and “STUPIDITY”.
p.p.s. If you don’t see what the big deal is, you’re right. It is no big deal. I just lack the basic social skills attributed to normal individuals. NO, wait, I take that back. I have the social skills, and I am extremely skilled with them. I am humorous and witty and exhibit my great qualities in nearly all of my human interactions. Except when a guy likes me. Then I freak out. It’s rather ironic isn’t it? I’m all: “I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME!” and then somebody does and I’m all : “GO AWAY, I DON’T WANT YOU TO LOVE ME!”
Ohmygosh. It’s unrequited love. It’s happening to me. NOOOOO. I’m on the other side of the equation! AGAIN! NooooOOOoOOooO.
Except…maybe I do like him? How can I really be sure I don’t unless I go out to tea with him? Right? RIGHT?
I should’ve smashed my phone with a hammer when I had the chance.