The first post

 

Life plans:

 

Get over the fact that I’m not invited to every wedding of every friend I have. It wouldn’t be practical anyhow, since I can’t get to those places.

Recognize the fact that I do have friends and people who care about me, even if I can’t talk to them or see them right now.

Define “independence” and why I desire it so much.

Define “friend” and why I want them so much.

Recognize what I actually want my life to be and how I can attain that goal.

I want independence, freedom, and happiness. I think that means feeling safe when I walk outside and being able to walk to wherever I want. Walking to friends. Walking to see beautiful things. Being walking distance from happiness.

What is happiness? It includes and is not limited to, prayer, friendship, beauty, material goods, intellect. Becoming better in multiple ways. Being happy, being challenged.

Independence? The ability to make my goals a reality, without help from anyone outside of myself. That is a lofty, if not impossible, goal.

So…freedom? The ability to go where I want, when I want, how I want.

Ironic that I feel so trapped at a time in my life where I am finally more free than I have been all the rest of the years. I’m not stuck in school, I am not set on a road with goals that I must achieve. I have graduated, I have achieved.

And I feel more constricted than I’d like to say.

 

I’d like to be able to say things and not worry about being judged for them. I’d like to have myself be heard. I want to communicate somewhere with someone who doesn’t know me so well to judge the words based off my previous actions.

Someone to whom when I say “I feel trapped,” won’t take it as a personal affront and try to figure out what they’ve done wrong.

Someone to just listen and understand, and help that way.

Writing is therapy. Music is therapy. Talking is Therapy. Being heard in some way, being noticed, your life being valued and somehow understood, that’s therapy. Therapeutic.

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